Monday, February 19, 2018

In which the pond can't escape the polar Barners' vortex ...


How the pond wishes that the Barners affair was done and dusted. 

The reptiles are completely distracted …look, there's the bromancer at it, when he should be doing a normal day's work, finding gold in the doings of the Donald …

Oh sure the Terrorists tried, thanks to good old jolly Joe wanting to sell off the Hunters Hill farm …


… but the opinion pages were full of it, with the Bolter hoping that either Barners or Malware had to go … and oh frabjous day, call ooh, cal lay, he chortled in his joy, perhaps he could persuade Malware to take the long walk, and do the high jump …



In the old days, the pond would have reverted to the Major Mitchell, that squawking galah, the man who keeps talking about his deep understanding of capitalism, while running a newspaper at a substantial loss for years, propped up by pay television …


But the Major has, in a fit of pique, in a state of high dudgeon, taken his bat and ball and retreated behind the paywall … though if anyone wants, they only have to google …


… to find someone else burbling at how social media has hijacked our brains and threatens global democracy … (some browsers might dislike the link)

Besides, the notion that the Major is in the grip of critical thinking is such an absurd premise, the pond couldn't even get a plot for a super hero movie out of it …

So it just had to be the bromancer doing Barners, and in a way that's a relief.

The bromancer has been so uxorious about the Donald of late that the pond had begun to worry that he might not be able to get up a column about anything else …



Phew, what a relief. For a moment there, the pond thought that the bromancer might have recanted, but no, the Donald's policies so far have been pretty good … and remember Hillary shares as much of the blame as the Donald for all the pussy groping and sleeping with porn stars and Playmates that's been going around …

But then the pond had a bone to pick with the lizards of Oz, because they used this as the second illustration for the romancer's piece …


Sad really … as noted on The Insiders, there was a spiffing snap worth celebrating …

  

Alex Ellinghausen twitters his snaps here, and it gave the pond the strength to finish the bromancer, who shows every sign of having been driven barking mad by the Donald …


Appear to be heading?

Say that again: Appear to be heading??

Is it true? Have the reptiles and conservatives been in the bitter swamp of mindless division for so long that they never understood they were standing in it? A bit like a cow in the back paddock with its hind hoof in a pat?

A bit like the romancer's astonishing capacity to separate out the Donald's policies - allegedly good, when in reality a disaster - while bemoaning his pygmy stature - a disaster, and in reality a disaster …

And it turns out that such is Kev's hatred of Malware, that, just like the onion muncher, the urge to use it to flay Malware proved to be irresistible … because that's what swamp dwellers do ...bite, and goad, and with a bit of luck, devour …


Impossible to police?

But Alan Moir explained the guidelines succinctly and clearly here



The pond is ever so pleased that Kev has now declared that pollies, and by extension, everyone else can fuck like rabbits, and all this talk of the sanctity of traditional marriage is so much horse shit, and by the way why don't the Nationals keep Barners, and the Liberals bring back the onion muncher, because the onion muncher and Kev the pious family man did wonderful things for the country ...


How the hell do you police it?

Why, there's Kev saying ministers can have sexual relations with another member of parliament, another minister or staff in another office … sheesh if only that pair in Mark McArdle's office had known, come on down Cheryl and Gareth, Kev the pious has given the nod ...

Let everyone fuck like rabbits, or the next thing you know, we'll be having the Pat solution ...


in which the pond hunts the most dangerous game of all, with gorgeous George and the Oreo ...

 

It was a crazy brave attempt by the lump from the deep north to snatch attention away from Barners, and it was only the complete absurdity of the comparison …


… that established even more firmly that gorgeous George truly is a most remarkable, quite possibly totally unique* (* usage licensed by the ABC)  fuckwit …

Meanwhile, while the tabloids had moved on, Barners stayed front and centre at the lizard Oz …

  

And naturally the Oreo, perhaps the most celebrated reptile in the herpetarium, was on the case …


Actually Barners' greatest sin is probably being a thick dunderhead, and that's a crime to be found across all of the political parties,  and afflicts many others, including bloggers trying to be satirical and post-modern ironic …

Never mind, the pond is extremely proud and pleased as punch that the Oreo has been elevated to the top of the reptile page.

Top of the page, ma, top of the digital page …


Is it just so that the splendid artwork by cult favourite Lobbecke can be given the prominence it deserves?

Who knows, but the pond is as pleased as punch that the reptiles think the Oreo is the new headliner.

You see, in her usual way, the Oreo nurses a deep sense of grievance, and paranoid persecution, and so in a classic Jekyll and Hyde way, she sets out Barners' many crimes … and then her only comeback is to complain that 'progressives' - how the pond hates that meaningless word - refuse to eat their own in the way that the Oreo munches on the Barners ...



Fair enough?

The pond immediately broke out the relevant Oreos, the ones with a name and a taste most suitable for Barners …

 

Poor tortured Oreo … 

Oh dear, is there a Sarandon sounding off in a way that's certain to send her off the unhinged deep end?



Um, on that matter, did the woman involved have a say? 

Or was it just good old Barners, sticking with the patriarchal conservative principles that the man decides …? And the complimentary woman must do what the man decides, no questions asked?

Who knows, but how desperate are things for the Oreo as a defence that the last shot in the locker is "well, at least he didn't order an abortion…", as if it was Barners' sole and proper right to be able to do so ...

But the pond's Oreo is made of sterner stuff than Barners, and she immediately rallied and organised a counter-attack … though sadly all she has here is Bob Hawke, and Hawkie managed his extra-marital flings with considerable skill …

What's more he was helped by the devotion of his wife, who tolerated not just the women but the grog …and in the end, got treatment that made her a martyr and tarnished Hawkie for all eternity ...

It's a measure of Oreo's despair that she should berate the ABC's iView (the show actually aired on FTA as well) for daring to screen a two part documentary about a doddery, long ago PM, and then ask "What have they said about Joyce's flaws?"

Well as Hawkie was rolled on 20th December 1991, by the pond's calculation that means we can look forward to an ABC documentary about Barners and his current cavortings - assuming he goes soon -some time in … let's see, 9 years to 2000, add 17 years and a few months, carry the 1, add the remainder to get 26, add the 26 to 2018, say …

A documentary about Barners' flaws in 2044! Oh if only the pond could be around to see it …

But the pond has got ahead of itself, and worse, the Oreo ...


And so all the Oreo had left was Bill Clinton - it being politics, presumably she felt she couldn't get away with Roman Polanski or Woody Allen … and as for the Donald, well let's not go there … and let's certainly not mention the Democrats who have recently had to take the walk, along with some of their Republican colleagues …

And even worse, at the end of it all, there's the Oreo demanding that Barners move on, in accordance with lizard Oz headlines, and sounding like some pious progressive, or even worse, like Susan Sarandon …

No wonder the Oreo's academic work has been featured on the syllabi of an enormous number of long suffering university students, and she's been cited by the United Nations, as that wretched body goes about using climate science to establish world government by Xmas …

As for the pond, it much prefers the gorgeous George approach …

Call it the Twilight approach, call it "the most dangerous game"


… and what do you know, bloody David Rowe, always in touch with the zeitgeist, had arranged a bit of ute shooting for the day, with more spotlit Rowe here …





Sunday, February 18, 2018

In which the pond reluctantly tackles our Joycie with our Gracie ...


After the latest attempt to hack the pond - move along people, nothing to see here - the pond was fooling around, and was amused to check out the source of all the hacked CNN streams that turn up on YouTube ... it had to be the Ruskis ...

Some of the streams carry a link to a dot com site, which offers American cable news streams, which as can be seen above turn up on Odnoklassiki, the shonky Russian equivalent to YouTube ... and the CDN host is mycdh.me, owned by a shelf company located in Limassol, Cyprus, home to many Russians.

The pond cautions attending the site without some protection of the digital condom kind ... at best, it's probably doing data mining, and at worst who knows, because the pond didn't care to reveal itself ...

The trail quickly petered out, and the pond lost interest ...


The chances of getting Automatic/Wordpress, ironically an American company, to hand over details without a warrant is somewhere between zilch and zero and nada, and with client transfer prohibited, the chance of getting the domain suspended would be tricky even for cable folk who didn't like the notion ...

And so once again American capitalism gets done over by Russian digital ingenuity ... and the Donald, seriously compromised, sells the country down the river. Does it get any better than this?

Meanwhile, back in Oz, the pace has slackened in the Barners affair, with only the Currish Snail maintaining the tree killer front page rage ...


Now the pond could have sought other distractions ... apart from the Ruskis, there was this grand entry in the lizard Oz ...


But even for the pond the vegan-fearing Mark Higgie was just too fucking weird and straight from the angry old man school of the barking mad shouting at clouds... Greg Hunters can find him here ...

Worse still, it's just the reptiles compressing two articles already scribbled by Higgsy for the Speccie mob ...

Oh reptiles, has it come to this? Recycled ranting from the Speccie crowd, and for this you put up the paywall?

Besides, these days the Speccie mob threaten to turn into a regular Friday pond feature ... the pond is ecstatic at the way that a Speccie Friday is proving a spectacular hit, with Giles showing that the way to generate comments on the pond is to be truly loopy ...

Speaking of paywalls and even better news, the Terror persists in hiding the Devine, and the pond is all for it. The more that the Devine disappears behind a paywall, the better for New South Wales, humanity, and the world ...

Here's what the pond is missing ...


...  for this they want shekels across the palm?


Condemning adultery and upholding standards of sexual propriety?

Was it only last week that the Devine was tweeting and scribbling about unhealthy righteousness and a sanctimonious pile-on?


If the pond never reads another Devine piece, it will be as blissful as never again having to endure root canal therapy ...

But still, Barners called, and the pond could see that the lizard Oz was on the digital case ...


There could be only one choice for Joyce ... our Gracie ...



... especially as our Gracie introduced an historical note ...



Now to be fair, the earlier piece reporting on our Junie gave every sign of the intrepid reporter from Oz, one Primrose R., hitting on the whiz idea of ringing up our Junie as a way of gaining an angle, with silly Junie making the mistake of chatting away with Primrose R. about the tediousness of all this talk of being prim and proper ...


Talk about setting up an easy mark for our Gracie ...




Well yes, and as the pond said a few days ago, the pond recalled seeing Jim on a regular basis outside the Prahan markets trying to flog his books, back in the days when the pond was living just down the road in Windsor ... and what a pitiful, painful sight it was, as if Jim, by example or words, was in a position to do anything about changing the way that the world works ...

But there's that line, "Morosi emerged from the past to lambaste the media."

Did she, or did Primrose ring her up and ask her about her thoughts on being prim and proper?

Was it the lizard Oz that helped her emerge from the past, and ask her to pose for a snap, or did she ring up the reptiles to vent?

Who knows, but it's an interesting semantic point, as the pond kept on with the righteous lashing handed out by our Gracie ...



Well yes, our Joycie at one time used to parade his family around in honour of traditional marriage and all the rest of it, while at the same time, Julia Gillard was given the boots and all treatment ...


The hot links are at Junkee here, and it's why, in the end, the pond can't get enough of Barners and the payback ... the hubris and the hypocrisy are so naked, the serving of the sour grapes such pure fun ...

Driven by hunger, a Barners tried to reach some generous allowances and grapes hanging high on the vine but was unable to, although he leaped with all his strength. As he went away, the Barners remarked 'Oh, you aren't even ripe yet! I don't need any sour grapes or all the little dodges and wheezes needed to keep a couple of families in the style to which I'm accustomed.' People who speak disparagingly of things that they cannot attain would do well to apply this story to themselves. (Or some such thing - Greg Hunters will find the original here)

And so to a final serve of our Gracie ...



Ah, our Gracie couldn't resist a mention of biological parents, thereby conflating the old Ponzi schemes run by the Catholics and others in ancient times with the more modern idea of families with two mothers ... you know, like Christine Forster and Virginia Edwards ...

Well the pond has only one regret in all this ... for some strange, bizarre reason, the reptiles didn't attach a CV to our Gracie's piece, so the pond decided to take one from the back of her LP. 

It'll need clicking on to enlarge, but it's just readable ...



And with that bit of history done, there's just time for a little colour, with the pond spotting this on a recent walk in Enmore ...



No junk politicians either ... the pond doesn't give a fuck. We'll get our Gracie to scribble furiously and hassle you ...



In which a complimentary woman speaks or at least scribbles and so sets off a Sunday mediation ...


The pond is inordinately proud and pleased that the only winter sporting event it's seen in recent weeks is the movie I, Tonya ...which is much better than the overly solemn Battle of the Sexes, though Jessica McNamee captures the vacant glare of the incipient religious fundamentalist well ... and as for that fish film, The Shape of Water, sorry, the pond's heart was given long ago to Cocteau and La Belle et la BĂȘte and damned if some overlong, slowly paced bout of faux whimsy is going to come along and snatch it away ...

Yes, it's all part of the pond's attempts to find life beyond Barners, though the Barners struggle goes on, and the pond will be forced to confront the new reality some time soon ...

In the meantime, why not - for a Sunday meditation - return to that perennial favourite of the whining, moaning religious fundamentalist - the right to be an offensive judgemental righteous and pious bigot ... and lo, see how the lizard Oz scores the top three mentions when the subject is raised with google ...


They never give up, do they?

Of course freedom comes in many forms, including the right of Mike Pence to be deeply weird, as outlined at Rolling Stone in The Radical Crusade of Mike Pence - about the only moment the pond paid attention to the current Olympics came with Adam Rippon's takedown of the weirdo ...

“I don’t think he has a real concept of reality,” Rippon told USA Today. “To stand by some of the things that [President] Trump has said and for Mike Pence to say he’s a devout Christian man is completely contradictory. If he’s okay with what’s being said about people and Americans and foreigners and about different countries that are being called ‘s—holes,’ I think he should really go to church.”...
...Rippon’s mother, Kelly, who will be in PyeongChang for her son’s Olympic debut, said people still tell her they are praying for her and her gay son. “Or I’m praying against you,” she told the Orange County Register. “One person came up to me and said ‘I’m still praying he just meets the right girl.’ And I’m thinking, What? Aren’t there other things you should be praying for. World famine? Shouldn’t you use your prayers for something that might happen?”

But enough of the pleasantries and banter, it's time for the lizard Oz's patented form of whining, disagreeable petulance ... and please note, this is the sort of guff the reptiles are pleased to say is part of their Inquirer, apparently because a closed mind with medievalist tendencies is a necessary precondition for inquiring ...






But in truth, the numbing effects of the bigotry can be much more insidious, as noted in that notorious leftie Jesuit rag Eureka Street ...


Now don't ask the pond why anyone would be gay and want to remain a Catholic, and work in a Catholic school, playground for deep conditioning and induction into a life of bigotry and prejudice - it's a deep mystery up there with transubstantiation and the desire to eat human flesh and drink a little human blood each Sunday, but if someone wanted to go that way, you'd think that the least that a bunch of Xians could do is be a bit Xian about it ...

But that's never the way it works with your average Xian.

Instead the Shanners of the world want the right to go on cluck-clucking and tut-tutting in a way they've managed for many thousands of years ...

And as this is a Sunday meditation, please allow the pond to take a detour to a review by Emily Wilson in the New Statesman, a little aged, but isn't the Qantas lounge a handy source of reading material?

The title and splash gives it away, Killing the old gods Christians employed brutal methods to win the culture war against Rome ... currently outside the paywall for the full dose ...

The language of “persecution” and “martyrdom” has been claimed by only one side. Yet there were at least a handful of non-Christians who were persecuted and martyred for their refusal to adopt the new religion. Unlike Trajan and other polytheist authorities, the Christians did not offer their opponents an opportunity to escape punishment with a quick prayer to the correct God. Instead, they probed their homes and even their minds in search of secret sins against the one true deity. Nixey tells the story of the sainted Egyptian monk Shenoute, who led a group of his fellow Christians to batter down the door of a citizen’s house and barge in to discover his forbidden statues of the old pagan gods. Breaking and entering was, Shenoute insisted, entirely justifiable, since: “There is no crime for those who have Christ.”

Violations of what we would now call human rights and civil liberties were allowed for the sake of religious conformity. In Alexandria in 415 CE, the philosopher and teacher Hypatia was mobbed, stoned, flayed, ripped to pieces and burned by a gang of Christians, who accused her of witchcraft. Classical learning, literature and philosophy were now all suspect. Being pious in the new faith meant not only participating in public religious practice but also a moulding of hearts, minds, art, architecture and reading matter to fit the new “reality”. Nixey emphasises above all the aesthetic and cultural violence of the shift from Roman paganism to Christianity. She writes somewhat predictably of the turn away from the relatively “body positive” world of antiquity, in which privileged elite men could wine and dine on imported luxury goods and enjoy a wide range of sexual activities with objectified women and boys, to the asceticism of late antiquity, in which the most pious monks and hermits deprived themselves of food, sex and washing, and often became obsessed with all three...

... Nixey’s story is more shocking when she describes the widespread destruction of antiquities. The vandalism evoked in this book – such as the demolition of the temple of Athena at Palmyra, one of the most impressive buildings in the world – is disturbingly reminiscent of the destruction of cultural heritage sites by Islamic State, although Nixey does not make the comparison. Radical Christian terrorism has a long history. As the Roman Epicurean poet Lucretius wrote in the first century BCE, “Tantum religio potuit suadere malorum.” (“Religion has persuaded people to so much evil.”)

Indeed, indeed, and how they yearn to keep on doing the weevil ...

Your average Islamic and Catholic fundamentalist has much in common when it comes to the persecution of teh gaze, but now duty calls, and the final gobbet of the complimentary Shanners must be endured (well, she's Catholic, but when was the last time the world saw a complimentary female Pope?)


The church is not arguing for the right to discriminate? But that's what the blather about living according to conscience means ... that's how the Sydney Anglicans dress up their wilful, shameful complementarianism ...

Thank the long absent lord the times are changing, as even the Perth Anglicans and the Nationals discovered ...

The Nationals part of the LNP performed poorly, and the so-called “deal” with One Nation failed as some One Nation preferences actually supported ALP candidates. Similarly, the Nationals were “surprised” as 15 of their 16 lower house seats voted “yes” in the same-sex postal survey.

Barners, bloody Barners.

He sticks his nose into everything on the pond these days ... you'd think as a fellow sometime Tamworthian he'd just bugger off and take his licks from John Hewson in Joyce doesn't deserve to be deputy PM ...

While Joyce is often hailed as “the best retail politician in Australia”, he is just as spectacularly accident prone – recall the Gina Rinehart cheque; recall also that he was actually ineligible to serve in Parliament, having not renounced his New Zealand citizenship, and then compounded the “farce” by remaining in cabinet, having forced Matt Canavan to stand aside from his portfolio, while under consideration by the High Court. 
There was also Barnaby’s “train wreck interview” about the government’s release of private information; the “forced” resignation of Paul Grimes as secretary of his department; his failure to release the cost/benefit analysis of moving the Australian Pests and Veterinary Medicines Authority to his electorate; his inconsistency on the value of wind farms, praised in his electorate, but attacked in South Australia; his support for a banking royal commission against government policy; and a host of others.
And then, his most significant and revealing “accident” of all, the moral issue aside, his total mismanagement of his marriage breakdown, and the subsequent questioning of him as to whether he had breached the Ministerial Code of Conduct, and parliamentary disclosure requirements. This revealed an appalling series of poor judgments.

Barners, Barners, preaching traditional marriage and doing the other, while the churchies blather about living according to conscience, which turns out to mean fiddling with the children in their trust ...

Oh enough already, it's time to wrap things up, perhaps with a few old vaguely related TT cartoons, with fresher TT here ...




Oh heck, the pond can't resist the latest one ...