Thursday, February 23, 2017

In which the pond turns to domestic matters thanks to the lizards of Oz, and long-suffering Savva ...


The pond has taken its eye off the domestic ball of late. 

Such is the enormous appeal of the Donald that it's hard to look away. No doubt train wrecks have, or the rise of Hitler had, the same capacity for mesmerising the mind ...

Of course it's been difficult to ignore Malware acting as Netanyahu's lap dog, fawning, apple polishing, brown nosing, gushing with praise, kissing the feet and any other handy appendage ...

This level of worshipful grovelling is hard to find at the worst of times, and Malware's attempts to remind Netanyahu of various matters have sounded like an attempt to trump the Donald in peak vacuous fatuity ...

This was just too obsequious creepy crawly for the pond to contemplate, while Netanyahu blathered on about Beersheba and the first world war, such is his capacity to eradicate history and sense ...


But what of Malware and his loyal troops?

For this the pond turned to the royal court correspondent, and it seems that all is not well in this decaying administration. 

After all, having fucked over the NBN, mocked climate science, celebrated coal, and given penalty rates a damn good rattling - a charge led by those who refuse to work on weekends - what else is there to do?

Well there is the mutton Dutton calling for help by feminists to deal with the Islamics, which is strange, since no-one pays any attention to feminists when they get bolshie about equal pay or get angry about angry Sydney Anglicans blathering on about complimentary women (send stamps, and one can be delivered to your door stop).




The Daily Terror? Still brooding about that one? Relax, the entire empire is now geared to real estate sales. Let the boom continue!


But at least the pond has been reminded just how much Malware fears and loathes gorgeous George, and has sent his loyal royal correspondent out into the world to mock said whippy George.

And as for the disloyal, wretched leakers ...


Sadly, the pond came away from all this with the sense that it was a microcosm, a kind of nanoparticle version of the Donal's court. 

Chaos, confusion, leaking, formidable challenges, and Savva left to ravage the dissenters ...

Who else but Savva could present the heroic figure of Malware - almost Churchillian - calmly swatting down dissenters, when all the pond could think was "oh no, not another remake of King Kong" ...

Ah well, as Moir reassured the pond, it could never happen here ... with more reassuring Moir here.



In which the pond indulges in Craven constitutional thoughts and yearns for western civilisation of the GOP kind ...


The reptiles are preoccupied with civilisational, structural and monarchical matters this morning, and Greg Craven has the honour of getting things underway with his astute insights into colonial thinking...


What's that? What's the pond missed? 

The feminisation of AFL football? 

Why that's shocking, that's appalling, that's affronting. The very ground under the pond's feet has trembled and moved a little ... perhaps as much as a yard ...

Thank the long absent lord no one will let them play rugger bugger, or men with no necks thugby, or cricket, or golf or that funny game where no one scores but they dribble a lot, or basketball or ...

Women feminising AFL footy? Can the decline and the fall of the west be far behind?

Oh such are the jocular jolly japes of the witty Catholic University wag ... and so it's on to the heart of the matter ...


Indeed, thank heavens no woman was involved in the process, and no woman would arise from the mating of Cosgrove and Eales.

The very last thought we need for a symbolic president trailing dignity and constitutional propriety is a woman. They're off ruining their dignity playing footy ... oh you foolish shrews ...

As for the fatuous mindless stupidity of the rest of it, not to worry, that's just the Craven at work ...

The pond recalls that one of the compromise models proposed was that candidates for the job might be pre-vetted by parliament and nominated by joint approval of government and opposition - say a field of five - and these gelded horses might then be put to the popular vote.

That way they could be suitably knackered and yet a facade of symbolic direct election voting could be preserved.

It is of course not the business of the Craven to come up with any sensible solution to such issues.

Instead the Craven is intent on fear-mongering and wagging the finger and mocking the average punter with the sort of patrician disdain and sneering that the reptile commentariat routinely bemoans and decries... by flourishing the Trump Halloween doll ... in February!




And there you go, another contribution from the taxpayer funded Catholic University ... the pond can imagine the Craven cackling deliriously over that joke about a Daryl Trump ...

So where's the outrage from the reptiles about this goose mocking the Daryls of the world? As if Greg isn't some kind of under-arm bowling name?

Actually the danger is this.

Cackling geese of the Craven school don't help matters at all. Waving the scary Trump doll is no different from all the African and South American dictators that were waved around back when the debate meant something and monarchist Howard was stuffing republicans back in the box. 

Worried by Trump? Why then apparently we should be scared shitless by the looming prospect of a Kim Il-sung clone controlling the land down under. Or perhaps even the love child of Adolf Hitler ...

Stupid people of the Craven kind now find the day of Charles approaching ever more quickly and futtock around wondering what to do about it, and then muddy the waters and fuck over the debate with cheap shots at constitutional ignoramuses (never no mind women playing footy).

And the reptiles wonder why populism gains a foothold, when fatuous fops of the sneering condescending Craven kind infest their pages ...

Time for a break and a Rowe cartoon ... and more Rowe here ...


Now there's a couple of unnerving peas in a pod, but it's time to move on to the pond's bonus, in which the reptiles contemplate the joys of western civilisation, thanks to the lizards of Oz channelling the reptiles of the WSJ ...



Now first the pond must acknowledge that this festering re-heated stew of stale thoughts wasn't just six hours ago ...

It first ran at the WSJ on 20th February ...


In these Trumpian times that makes it wildly out of date, but as Mr Stephens is aspiring to universal deep thinking about the state of western civilisation, the pond thought that the musty air of stale prunes and the stench of re-heated sludge shouldn't be counted against the piece or the insights on offer ...


It says something about Stephens and his deep despair that he should think that the Russians continue to drink from a deep well of civilisational self-belief, as opposed to an endless supply of vodka and Tsarist conditioning to accept a Putin dictatorship ...

So what's the cause of the despair? Why it's the same bogeyman that the Craven used to herd the Daryl plebs away from the bizarre notion that they should get to vote in a democracy ...


Actually, if the pond might be so bold, the GOP put forward a Republican candidate for President, and Republicans voted for said candidate, and the candidate was supported by large slabs of the Republican establishment, and the Murdochian media, not least Fox News and its Trumpian acolytes of the Hannity and Orally kind ..

Credit where credit is due for the first post-rational deconstructionist President. But this is hardly surprising - reality has been negotiable at Fox and in Murdoch la la land long before Roger Aisles sent it right to the bottom ...

Of course imperviousness to guilt and a seeking to involve everyone else in the way that they've helped fuck up the United States is an important aspect of current reptile work:


It thought about itself?

It thought about the first world war, the second world war, the Holocaust, Vietnam and other colonial follies?

American fundamentalists in the twentieth century treated with reverence concepts of reason, as opposed to rapturous notions of revelation that suggested we'd be off the planet by the next Sunday?

It believed in the excellence of its music and literature and wasn't puzzled at the way Wagner-loving, Beethoven-swooning Nazis managed to slaughter millions in unimaginably cruel ways?

It celebrated the superiority of its imperial delusions and colonial political ideals?

It wasn't ashamed of the prosperity of the railway and oil barons and celebrated McCarthyism as the best way to root out evil, pinko perverts and anyone else wanting a fair shake of the celery stick?

If you want children to learn anything about anything, perhaps the best starting point is far away from the delusional starry-eyed idealism of a Stephens and his nonsensical tosh about "western civilisation", just one moaning and keening and wailing from the many Murdochian reptiles seeking to absolve themselves of blame in the matter of the Trumpist phenomenon. Go tell that to the Tea Party ... don't bother the pond.

Yes, somewhere tucked into that morass, that sludge of half-baked thinking and mooning over western civilisation, is the notion that all we need to do is start teaching the values of civilisation, whatever they might be, and all will be well ... and a Trump or a Le Pen might be avoided ...

Tell that to the Germans and the Italians in the 1920s and 1930s ...

In his singular folly, Stephens manages to eradicate almost anything that might be understood by contemplating the histories of assorted countries, vaguely and foolishly assembled under the one roof by a notion, "western civilisation", that is as vague as it is meaningless...

This is what the pond was taught was western civilisation ...


If that's western civilisation, it can fuck off back to Britain ... in much the same way that the United States once told the British and George III what they could do with their western civilisation ... and hopefully someday Australia will manage to do the same for Charles III and the Cravens of the world ...

Next thing you know, with all this jibber jabber about play up and play the game, women will be feminising AFL footy!

Happily the Pope's wisdom comes into play here as he provides a cartoon celebrating shared western values. and more papal wisdom here ...



Wednesday, February 22, 2017

In which the pond must go up the faraway tree yet again to hear Dame Slap lecture on 18C ...



It says something about the rabid demagogic crusading far right ways of the reptiles that yet another reptile missive about 18C - this one predictably by the notorious and vexatious Dame Slap - should have turned up high in the digital pecking order this morning ...

The whole point of incessant, hysterical frothing and foaming,  and rabid repetition, is to wear down the hardest stone ...

But it was the google splash that truly put a ladder in the pond's right-wing stocking ...



Forget the typo. Marvel at that line about a truly liberal Australia ...

In what fantastic alternative universe does Janet on her remote Planet imagine that she and her fellow reptiles are part of a truly liberal Australia?

Does spouting paranoid hysteria about the UN using climate science to introduce world government qualify a scribbler as a true liberal?

What about routine scribbling for the Catholic Boys' Daily, intent on promoting an appalling and repressive authoritarian conservatism, that with even the wildest stretching of the imagination, has nothing to do with being truly liberal ...

In what remote valley does constant, wearing screeching, a din of intolerance and abuse, pass as an example of the liberal notion of "live and let live"?

As usual, the pond had to plunge in ...



What does that rant about Yassmin Abdel-Magied - one of dozens by the starling reptiles murmuring through the skies - have to do with abolishing 18C?

Three fifths of fuck all, as we used to say in Tamworth ...

Is there any evidence that Dame Slap is restrained in her bigotry or her willingness to smite Islamics mightily?

Not really, because the bizarre linking of 18C to growing hypersensitivity is immediately followed by another slagging off of Islamics.

There's a curious thing at work here - the desire of conservatives to outdo others in being vulgar and insulting and deliberately, provocatively offensive.

In the United States, it reached some sort of peak with Milo, as explored in a piece Why Conservatives Fell for Milo Yiannopoulos ...

Before his fall, he was much loved, and in much the same way as Dame Slap's ranting about 18C ...

Yiannopoulos’s invitation was, perhaps, the logical denouement for a cause that prioritizes provocateurs over polemicists and entertainment over substance. His appearance could be seen as a microcosm of a movement that became everything it used to hate—that defines deviancy down. 
True conservatism has been replaced by a fetish for fighting political correctness. Along with a penchant for showmanship, this seems to be Yiannopoulos’s entire shtick―and it’s a good one. The enemy of your enemy is your friend, and since Yiannopoulos says horrible things about radical feminists and other annoying leftists, he is, ergo, a conservative hero. This was the initial message from Schlapp. Before rescinding Yiannopoulos’s invitation (in response to a critical tweet from conservative writer Jonah Goldberg), Schlapp said the “1st amendment is dead on campus. Conservatives should fight back. As radioactive as milo is he is fighting back.”

And this:


Once upon a time, conservatives used to be vaguely stuffy, and they celebrated gentility and politeness. They disapproved of vulgar words, and sniffed at what they construed as vulgar actions.

These days they want to infest the gutter ... they want to shove it to the genuinely mushy, soft, feely touchy, nice liberals. Give 'em a taste of the steel, they don't like it up 'em and so on and so forth ...

The plea to get rid of 18C is actually a plea for Dame Slap and the like to go the full Milo. To be as offensive and insulting as she can manage ... without fear of any consequences, and knowing that there'll be fuck all constraint applied by the reptiles of Oz ...

The result is surreal, and reminds the pond of the time it spent in Dame Slap's school trying to produce answers ...


Oh please Dame Slap, the pond has got some questions to add to that. 

Why do the reptiles cherish the theocratic state of Israel, yet get hysterical about the theocratic state of Iran?

Why is climate science a UN conspiracy, when everyone knows it's a Chinese conspiracy?

And please Dame Slap, why do the reptiles always get agitated about Islam, with nary a cross word about the devious deeds of the Catholics? Or any of the other cults worshipping imaginary friends?

Luckily there's a crib sheet to hand for a few of the answers ...


Why is Trump's cabinet so illiberal white? So that they can jump up and down on the black board ...



Thanks Seth, and anybody who wants to catch that joke about the Trumpists can avoid the rest of Dame Slap and duck off to YouTube here ...

But there's always a few suckers willing to be dudded, so it's on with the Islamic bashing and indignation about the taxpayers, and not a single mention of the Caterists making out like bandits with a cool nigh on quarter mill each year in grants milked from the taxpayer ...



Here's the surreal absurdity of this. Not a single word of Dame Slap's meandering rabid frothing and foaming would be affected by 18C as it now operates, or if it were repealed.

The only benefit she might find if it were repealed would be the way it allowed her to go the full Milo, the full Coulter - who knows, she might even want to go the full Monty ...

The pond says this knowing that Dame Slap loves to be surreal and severe ...


Indeed, if you imagine you might be liberal, do your very best to avoid going with Dame Slap ... she's at her best impersonating the alien having a few sharp toothy words with Ripley.

The whole bizarre experience reminded the pond of that old Blake poem:

Conservatives seek only self to please
To bind another to their savage delights
Joys in another's loss of ease
And builds a Hell of personal abuse in Heaven's despite ...

Well played, Dame Slap. now its time to catch that damned clock ...or maybe torture the children a little bit more, in a liberal way of course ... well, at least by being liberal with the torture, in much the same way that Islamics and climate scientists deserve a Dame Slap torturing ...




Eek, a Dame Slap cure. That'll knock the liberal out of ya ...

And for anyone agitated about the pond maligning and traducing Blake in reptile style, here's the original ...




In which the pond pits nattering Ned against the vitriolic heart of Australian darkness ...


Poor old nattering Ned. As he's demonstrably enfeebled and aged, the pond decided it was only fair to allow him to attempt to land the first few blows in its epic bout, nattering Ned pitted against Miranda "the vitriolic heart of Australian darkness" Devine ...


Speaking of bigoted literalists taking the bigot literally, that seems about the right time to introduce the truly fanatical and bigoted Devine to the ring, and lordy lordy does she make a fine train wreck. What a splash ...



Now before proceeding, the judges note there's already been a protest. Someone has suggested that a bigoted audience understanding exactly what Trump meant - dog-whistling racism - is a tad different from the bigot being right about Sweden ...


Relax, that's not their ABC News, that's their American ABC News ... which asks a question rather than leading with a bigoted Devine assertion ...

Well the pond can't hold up the bout to wander off ...here ... even if it did produce this commentary and one tweet ...



Now the pond's terrified about visiting Florida - there goes the retirement plans - but it's impossible to delay any longer.

Bring on the professional vitriol of the News Corp bigot ...


Well it's a fine flurry of paranoia and demonising hysteria, and that photo of Swedes demonstrating against Merkel is a fine picture ...

Oh wait that's the point isn't it? Can't find enough that satisfies in Sweden? Bring in the whole of Europe then ...

Never mind, while the Devine's first outburst was tasty, it was a little Woody Allen short, so perhaps the pond should allow another Devine burst:


One thing is seemingly certain.

This sort of deranged rhetoric does produce results. A couple of days after the Donald spoke, there was a riot in Sweden, albeit a very minor one by American standards.

It was reported in WaPo here, together with a repeat about actual Swedish crime data, and this added insight ...


Well that report in the Graudian is here,  but the pond has been deeply unfair to nattering Ned. As usual, the spluttering and foaming of unhinged bigots is always more interesting than dull quiet lives in suburbia.

Can Ned fight back. Will he deploy his famous rope-a-dope trick, the Devine being a notorious dope.

Let's face it, the Devine would love a race riot in Australia, and the sooner the better, so that festering hysteria could be piled on to mountainous prejudice.

Poor nattering Ned ... how can he possibly do the Devine down in the ring?


Ah indeed. The pond suspects that, on the basis of that last remark, nattering Ned might be fairly judged an enemy of the people.

That's red meat to the likes of the vicious Devine. She naturally responds with a flurry of floozies ...


Well the pond has already mentioned the matter of the Swedish police officer, and in past editions why Tucker Carlson is a supreme bigoted prat, and how Fox News is full to overflowing with bigoted hysteria and routine distortions of the facts into a world of alternative Fox fax and Fox fake news ...

But to go back over that turf would be tedious, and already the battle is getting far too long and ponderous. Time for a last final round summing up burst from nattering Ned ...


And now to a summing up from the bigoted Devine brimming with distortions and talk of PC...


The pond's judges decided that the Devine the winner. Forget statistics, forget balance. 

The whole point is to hate and to drum up festering fear and loathsome hysteria ... fundamentalist Catholics have been good at it for centuries. (Is there a witch in the house?)

Congratulations Sweden, you've joined a long list of people who've been Devined. 


Sorry nattering Ned, be a good loser, be a good sport. The pond can guarantee the Devine wouldn't have been if she'd lost. She would have doubled down with even more exaggerated foaming and frothing ...

You see the problems emanate from within your own sorry organisation, you being a team player with your Terrorist team mate Devine, and she being a team mate with all those Fox News racists and authoritarian fascists who willed Trump into being ...

Here, why not watch a few clips from a man who has seen his ratings soar thanks to all the fun and frolics and follies arising from the Trumpist circus ... look on the bright side, you can always hop over the fence ...