Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The pond is down and out

Like Malware's copper-clad NBN, the pond has had a catastrophic failure, has been forced to step out of the tent, and may be gone some considerable time.

Fortunately, thanks to New Zealanders and the Donald, chaos and loonery will continue elsewhere.

Enjoy.

And the pond will return in due course...

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

In which the pond enjoys hubris almost to the point of forgetting that today is Caterist day ...


Please forgive the pond because part of the fun of the fair for reptile watchers is to see how the cute things repeat their tricks over and over again, like a kitten with a ball of wool ...

Anyone who wants to stroll down memory lane with prattling Polonius can head off to the pond here ... but the righteous, sanctimonious tone of that opening just about stands for the whole of it ...

The ABC's Peter Marsh, here, had the same fun with others after the Barners' affair erupted:



Marsh also did Labor, so anyone interested can head off to do the read, but inter alia, he also did One Nation:



Hubris ...

Oh it's rich stuff, and yet the pond said at the time that it was clear enough that the greenies had made a simple mistake and should accept the consequences ...

Now,  by any fair-minded reckoning, it's equally clear that Barners made the same blue and should accept the consequences. Where's Polonius when we need his prattle?

In a way, it's easier for Barners, because he can re-contest the seat, but Tony Windsor's probably given him an attack of the vapours, though not so much as the vapours that have afflicted Malware and his government as they wonder where that extra vote might go.

Now  for its lunch time treat, the pond would usually just run the Caterists - this day defending the banks, Malware and the rest of the usual, while abusing comrade Bill - and be done with it.

But what fun hubris is when the roosters come home to roost in Tamworth, and what joy it is to travel back in time to the comments section of the lizard Oz when the greenie bashers were in fully cry ...


No excuse, inexcusable, cry me a river?

It seemed so clear cut then. No doubt somewhere today in the lizard Oz pages, Sean is now yelling Cry Me a River at Barners, while Hayley is shouting Cry Me a River to Malcolm Roberts ...

On and on they ranted ...


What a laugh and what a hoot ... 

A UN conspiracy of globalists? No, no, suddenly there's talk of a conspiracy with a foreign power, a dark devious conspiracy ...


(here)

A conspiracy of Kiwis? The NZ in ANZUS?

But Barners is a Kiwi.

We love the Kiwis!

What is this talk of a dastardly conspiracy involving devious foreign Kiwis?

The pond couldn't get enough of the hubris and the righteousness and the ironies, from a time not so long ago:



Can anyone see the comical irony?

Fuck it, and they couldn't even reference the Coen brothers properly, and who knows if Barners has ever worried about buying the TruCoat ...



Oh cry the pond a river of tears of laughter, one last burst of lizard Oz comments please ...


And now, speaking of stupid people and hoaxes, the pond confesses that by this point it had almost forgotten that today was Caterist day.

Almost. There he was as bold as brass ...



... and speaking of hubris and hypocrisy and cry the pond a river, how could the pond resist?

The Caterist idly talking about caring for workers' savings?




Of course it had to come, it's a pond ritual, and the pond, deeply conservative, loves its rituals ...

And what better moment to perform the ritual than when the Caterists berate union hacks for supplementing their salaries, when apparently the silly hacks haven't realised the very best way to supplement their salaries... 




Government cash in the paw!

There you go, union hacks, that's how it's done, that's how to supplement your salary, and now you can read the rest of the Caterist piece, and learn, and be enlightened ...



Around this point some might be wondering how the Caterists can keep a straight face while defending the long-suffering banks, these responsible and disciplined listed companies, mercilessly having their mistakes punished ... 

...by a ritual slashing of bonuses which sees the head honcho on struggle street, barely getting by on $5.506 million for the 2016-2017 financial year ... while your average worker made out like a banking bandit ...


Shocking, this screen-scraping, but what can you do?

Meanwhile, the pond must remember its promise not to argue with the reptiles, but simply to absorb their lessons and achieve enlightenment.

How else to understand the way that the Caterists devined that this was the very best time to defend the big banks ...and attack comrade Bill, who for all the apparent confusion, is not actually in charge of the government ... at the precise moment when the CBA's nakedly outrageous behaviour has been revealed for all the world to see, to add to the outrageous behaviour the big four have been indulging in for years ...



Indeed, indeed, bring on a royal commission.

Let it look into superannuation and its assorted scandals, and let it look into the big banks, and perhaps, if it's got a moment to spare, it might help the pond understand just why the federal government is handing out grants to the Menzies Research Centre ...

You see, if the greenies have to cry a river, so should Barners, and if superannuation and unions should cry a river, so should the banks and the Caterists ...

And now, speaking of hubris and hypocrisy, it seems that the Donald finally realised his ratings were suffering outside the neo-Nazi movement, but if Rowe is to be believed, he's still doing well with the pointy heads, with more pointed Rowe here ...




In which the pond puts the onion muncher and dear old Donners on parade ...


(and more papal insights here).

The pond knew it! The pond knew deep in its heart that Barners wasn't properly Tamworth, and like a typical dissembling, disingenuous Kiwi, now he refuses to man up in the way that even a western sandgroping greenie might manage.

Whenever the pond came to the big smoke, the only other likely victim of sheep jokes was a passing Kiwi brutally assaulting vowels ...but there can't be any love lost between abused minorities, and now the Kiwi stands convicted of wilful ignorance and woeful stupidity, and if he had a shred of greenie decency, must resign and re-contest his seat. 

Waiter, please serve the poor deluded pond another chunk of mutton ...

Point of order muh lud, it's all very well to carry on about this when the learned lord high executioners in Canberra will make the decision, and besides this is outside the remit of the pond's brief, which is to observe the reptiles at play ...

Suitably chastened, the pond hastens to add an explanation regarding the way it conducts its business.

Just yesterday it was pointed out to the pond that David Marr had written a lengthy rebuttal of nattering "Ned", and the "Ned" exegesis which had recently graced the pond's pages ...


That can be found at the Graudian here, but it was, from the pond's point of view, done in entirely the wrong spirit.

There's absolutely no point in leading with intelligent debating points and scoring any number of wins by way of logic and reasoned argument.

"Ned" is a senile, bigoted old goat, and just like the Donald in his dotage, is incapable of change. Having an argument with him is like having an argument with your parents. 

That's why the pond prefers to present its reptiles in unvarnished form.

Oh sure the pond might argue a little, clip toenails, shorten the hair, smooth down the scales a little, throw a little wax on the apple so it glistens, when talking the reptiles out for a walk, but the point of the exercise - apart from the exercise of a hearty walk - is that people might peer at the reptiles in their strangeness, and prod and poke and marvel at them.

Arguing with them is a bit like arguing with fundamentalist Daesh of the more fuckwitted kind. Besides, the chances of finding an Islamic, fundie or moderate, in the lizard Oz is a bit like finding a column by Polonius berating Barners for making a simple error and admonishing him the same way he sent the greenies packing ...

No, there's no point bunging on a do, and having a decent old barney out the back of Maguires with Barners, not when a reptile gets a bee in the bonnet, and it buzzes around and around the old noggin', with both Daesh and your average fundie Xian inspired by the buzzing of texts written down by camel and goat (and, let it be said, in Tamworth style) old style sheep herders from long ago ...

There are any number of these reptiles on parade on any given day in Murdochian la la land, such as at the Terror this day...


But the pond is a picker and a sticker. Caroline Marcus is such a dimwitted lightbulb that a South Australian battery could keep her running for years. If she wants to vote no, why doesn't she just say it, instead of trying to blame others for her bigotry?

As for the arm-breaker blathering on about publicity and self-promotion and self-aggrandisement trumping public responsibility - while pimping his way through life on a generous parliamentary pension - the mere notion of it is too silly even for the pond to contemplate ...

And so after this lengthy preamble we come to a firm pond favourite ...good old Donners.

Now the pond won't get into an argument with Donners, who seems in some nervous nelly state of high agitation and alarm, with the persecution complex running deep this day ...



Besides, as well as being paranoid and full of said persecution complex, Donners has the virtue of being short:


What to say? What could possibly be said? Talk about getting David Marr excited.

It's true that the likes of Ireland and Spain are in utter ruin, and this is entirely the fault of gay marriage, but at the same time, poor old Donners starts off by channeling the Fisher of men and the onion muncher, and blathering on about Marxist inspirations, when if ever there was an example of Marxism, it would surely be the way that Catholic churches run cap in hand for government cash in the paw, whether for Ponzi education or charity schemes ...

How does it go? Socialise the costs and you can privatise the parishioners ...

But speaking of the onion muncher, why not go straight to the well of blinkered bigotry, for Abbott, a member of parliament, was yet again out and about helping the business model of the reptiles by putting his views behind a paywall ...



Now the pond can hear much deep sighing.

This part of the civil war is a bit like a defiant plantation owner defiantly explaining why he intends to go on owning slaves ... it's in his nature.

It's possible that David Marr might attempt to sit down and argue patiently with the onion muncher, but the pond knows that arguing with a bigot is an exercise in futility, almost as useless as trying to explain Australian law to a Kiwi when there's a sheep in the vicinity ...

Right there, from the get go, with talk of a "popular vote", there's an argument to be had, since it's not in any way a vote, it's a survey of opinions, and it's not popular, it's arbitrary and voluntary and if it manages to get a fifty per cent response, it still won't prove anything ...

No doubt there are many more arguments to be had, but in the end it all comes down to the reality that the onion muncher is a fundamentalist Catholic bigot, deeply threatened by gays, and clearly with obvious difficulties in his personal life, with an inability to deal with the intimate realities of his family ...


You see? The bigot always attempts to sound reasonable and rational at the beginning, mixed with a little defensive self-justification, while sowing the seeds for doubt and confusion, because apparently we don't know what it might entail, though there's a private member's bill available, that would allow everyone to show what it would entail ...

But there the pond goes again, quite ruining the sport of the proceedings, which is to put the reptiles on parade and admire their glistening scaly skin and rampant hypocrisy ...


Such a simplistic, simpleton bigot, to blame gays for the weakening of marriage, but there, it's done, and the pond has put this reptile on parade, and without benefit of the gold bar that puts a member of parliament's thoughts behind a Murdochian paywall ...

Yes, he gets paid to represent his electorate and put his views out into the world, and instead he panders to the Murdochians, and the pond is forced to ask, "is that what we really want?", when surely we want our reptiles out and about and proud ... because it's not everyday you can read a north shore MP sounding like a Daesh wannabe ...

As for the rest, the pond must also note another curious thing.

Freedom Boy has been downgraded and reduced to being a correspondent to the letters page of the lizard Oz ...


What a fall from grace, and third on the letters page, below a wretch blathering on like an idiot about puppet-masters...as if anyone needed further evidence that addiction to the reptiles could produce rotting of the brain ...(yes, it's a vice like smoking or drinking, this devotion of the reptiles, and more absurd than a cat show).

At the same time, the letters helped explain just why the reptiles keep working on their base. Rather like the Donald's base, there's clearly a good market for unrelenting prejudice and bigotry ...


Undoubtedly David Marr would want to pick a fight with bigot Barron over his use of that 1.5% figure. After all:

It should be a simple question: how many people are homosexual? But, as Roy Morgan Research has found, getting a straight answer is still problematic—and the number just keeps growing. Between 2006 and 2014 Roy Morgan Research asked almost 180,000 Australians (14+) to agree or disagree to the statement, “I consider myself a homosexual”. In 2006-08, around 1 in 42 people (2.4%) agreed. By 2009-11, this had risen to around 1 in 32 (3.1%). And during the latest triennium 2012-2014, the figure was higher again, at around 1 in 29 (3.4%). The proportion of people who say they are homosexual is increasing across all age groups, but inconsistencies remain: 4.6% of Australian teenagers (14-19) now agree they are homosexual (up from 2.9% in 2006-08), rising to a peak of around 1 in 15 people in their 20s (6.5%, up from 4.4% in 2006-08). From there, the rate declines to 4.2% of those in their 30s (up from 2.5%), to 2.8% in their 40s (up from 2.4%), down to less than 1 in 55 people aged 50+ (1.7%, up from 1.3%).

And ...

Michele Levine – CEO, Roy Morgan Research, says: “With the issue of same-sex marriage once again in the spotlight, trying to determine the ‘real’ number of gay people in Australia is pretty irrelevant, except perhaps for politicians wishing to count up potential votes. Whether it’s 1 in 50 or 1 in 15, there isn’t some minimum threshold for what counts as discrimination. 
“However the rising rate across all age groups shows that people who consider themselves homosexual are becoming more open about it, which reflects increasing acceptance across society. “Finding out the ‘real’ number, therefore, is less about getting a head-count and more a gauge of just how open we are. As the Single Source survey continues over the coming decade, perhaps we’ll see the figure steady and flatten across age groups, with the question answered as readily and casually as any about vegetarianism or coupon-clipping.” (here).

Well yes, but try telling that sort of nuanced thing to bigoted reptiles and their readers about the harm done to older gays by their bigotry ...

But there's simply no point in arguing with bigots or those eager to practise discrimination. 

That too quickly and too easily leads to jokes about Kiwis, and the pond won't hear a bad word said about Barners. Sure he's not ridgy-didge Tamworth, but there are only a few who can claim to belong to this immortal Valhalla of the chosen ones ...(smirk, the pond is one, we couldn't score Irish or German citizenship status, though we tried ever so hard).

Just because Barners missed out, should he be treated like a caged cur? 

Shame on you David Rowe, shame and quick, scurry off here for much more shocking Rowe ...


And now the pond disclaims all responsibility for these scurrilous memes involving Photoshop, sent along by a kindly reader concerned reader always willing to share a sheep joke ...





Monday, August 14, 2017

In which the pond refutes Godwin's Law ...


At last freedom ...

Liberation ... by Godwin himself no less, and by Grabthar's hammer, by the Sons of Warvan, henceforth the pond shall spare no expense, nor spare the reptiles from their crypto-fascist associations ...


Uh huh ... the pond will still pay in to the cuss box ...

 

... and the nickels and dimes will still accumulate ...


... but each time a reptile celebrates the Donald or the white supremacist Steve Bannon who lurks behind him, the pond will be happy to pay ...

And so to spend the first few shekels ...







In which the pond has to supplement its diet of Oreos with a hearty supply of cartoons and irony tablets ...



The pond never gets tired of memes, and speaking of memes, when will the pond's celebration of the Oreo take off? 

Probably as soon as anyone else gives a toss about her referencing that ancient film with Julia Roberts and the infamous towels scene ...


What's even funnier than the towels is that the Oreo should lead with "betrays the memory of our fallen", because the first sign of desperation in a jingoistic ratbag is the playing of the patriot card and the faux tears ...


But before getting on to the Oreo of the day - there's always time to stop and lunch on a delicious Oreo - the pond would like to pause to play vocabulary Nazi, this time to Michael Pascoe busily (and convincingly) explaining in Fairfax why the "no" vote in the civil war has a good chance of getting up ...

And that is why the social conservative tail wagging the government dog pushed the idea, why the economic ministers, Scott Morrison and Mathias Cormann, are happy to blow $122 million on an inaccurate survey when a rolled-gold, best-of-breed, much-more-accurate, professional opinion poll could be had for 1/122th of the price.

Nope, rolled gold isn't best of breed.

It's cheap, half-baked low grade gold flung on to a cheap base for poor people's jewellery...

What we currently have, in this cheap-assed postal survey (no longer a plebiscite, or even a poll) is definitively rolled gold, of the kind that once could be found in P. G. Smith and Regans in Tamworth ... and back in 1920 they did furnishings too ...


The pond did appreciate Pascoe's attempt to lighten the mood:

Twitter satirist @TheKennyDivine has the plebiscite question to be: Is there any way that you would not object to SSM not being made legal? Yes/No" 
And we could take the opportunity to salvage something out of this colossal waste of money by adding a second question to settle another burning issue: "Should pineapple on pizza be made a criminal offence?"

But everyone knows the answer to that one - hang 'em high, hang 'em hard, and if they put beetroot on a burger hang the whole family - and besides many have been playing that game ...

1. Is white chocolate real chocolate or just confectionery? 
2. Does Coke No Sugar taste exactly the same as Coke Zero or completely different?

The pond has its own question a plebiscite might help sort out:

1. Is the Oreo a crunchy snack of mindless flour, sugar, corn syrup and fats, or is it as nutty as a fruit cake, or can it be both?


Oh there's a lot of weird shit out there on the full to overflowing intertubes, but perhaps the google logarithm can help explain why the pond is a little jaded about its Oreo treat this day ...




Yes, a lot of the reptiles have been banging on about the same thing for quite some time, which is why the pond could easily be distracted by a cartoon ...


The Oreo didn't seem that enthusiastic about it either ... because while she piled on the usual hysteria, she did it with uncustomary brevity ...




The pond could spend all day unpacking the nonsense embedded in this particular Oreo biscuit, full of the usual paranoid ranting ...

But what's interesting to the pond is the way that the reptiles have held off doing the same to SBS for using RT as filler fodder ... 

When it comes to its English-language version Al Jazeera studiously attempts some kind of balance, which is why Peter Greste could be hailed as a dinkum journalist when he returned to Australia, though he'd gone very cold on Al Jazeera ...

And in the regional scheme of things, the country itself is no better or worse than the fundamentalist Wahhabists that rule Saudi Arabia ...and with whom the Donald did so much bowing and scraping and kowtowing ...

The same can't be said for RT, which is naked in its propaganda and its desire to fiddle with the news and promote the interests of Vlad the Impaler ... and yet, like the Donald conspicuously failing to mention the terrorism of white supremacists and neo-Nazis, the reptiles are strangely quiet about the Russian connection...



And yet the pond doesn't much mind that SBS runs RT. 

It's what desperate publicly financed broadcasters do when short of change and needing to fill up the airways ... and for any viewer it's a matter of buyer beware, as it should be for any media offering ...

The pond frequently listens to the BBC World Service, and while realising its full of Pommy propaganda about how balanced and fair the Poms are (try telling that to old school Irish), it's a bad thing that it's no longer going to turn up in Hong Kong, and instead the hapless Hong Kongers will cop the heavily censored and deeply biased news from Beijing ...

SBS also runs news from CCTV, though with much being in Mandarin no one much minds, and that in English of high comedic value.

And of course Foxtel runs a huge amount of distorted, lying propaganda from Fox News, which has done much to plunge the United States into its current crisis ...


But the reptiles need a distraction, and getting agitated about Qatar is a splendid one, all the more so as it removes the need to take any serious look at Saudi Arabia, Russia, the Donald and the rest of the whole damned thing ...




Fox News? What are we to call it? The whole pack of mendacious Murdochians? What are we to call them?

The Oreo? Well we know she's a biscuit, with the virtues of rolled gold chocolate and Xmas pudding all in the one crunchy package ...

Of course you won't be reading, courtesy the Oreo biscuit, about the deep corruption revolving around Netanyahu (google 'Netanyahu corruption Haaretz' and start reading) or any of the other deep corruption surrounding Saudi Arabia in the world of the Oreo or the rest of the reptiles ...


This helps explain why the Oreo was so short this day, and why the pond had to resort to a cartoon-led recovery ...

And luckily it wasn't just the Donald that was getting attention ...





Pace Pascoe, and his concern for the deeply rooted pineapple conspiracy, which has led to so much Queensland propaganda spreading south, there was also handy advice on the best kind of stamp to use in the upcoming rolled-gold survey ...