Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Day 99 of MUC and day 52 of MOC, and it's time to catch up with the bromancer brexiting away...

And so to another bout of ...


But first, what's this in Chairman Rupert's rag? News of a terrible, shocking, shameful defeat, with managers and players falling like flies?


Now the pond is not one for gloating, especially when it involves a sport that the pond affects a Caterist disdain for ... but if anybody's wondering why England was defeated by a rabble of Vikings, the answer is simple ...


The damned porridge eaters supported Iceland! Icelandic flag inside!

And David Cameron's calling for the country to unite. And off to Europe to present a bold united front. And Boris is saying it's never been more European and will be eternally European into the future! What say you, damned haggis munchers?

Meanwhile, the Graudian seems to be falling apart, just like Britain, this day, as it's full of news of the triple A credit rating loss, a remarkable increase in racial abuse, the pound still in freefall, banks dropping like flies, and both parties in crisis, and Boris back from the cricket to scribble a newspaper column ... because that will surely fix everything ...


Dearie me, what a bunch of nervous nellies, worrywarts, all handwringing and anxious.

In times like this, the pond always turns to a safe pair of hands and can there be anyone safer or more insightful or reassuring than the bromancer?

Now admittedly the bromancer offering this day is short weight, as is much of the lizard Oz these days, and he seems to have retreated from the delirious oneiric triumphalism that made him unreadable a few days ago ...


And so on, the pond had to trim it a little to keep it vaguely digestible, but what an ode to joy. Take responsibility!

So where are we this day, as things continue to fall apart, and the absent centre fails to hold?


Yes, everybody, calm down, the war is lost and won, and now to win the peace, and everything is for the best in the best of all worlds ... 

Otherwise if you panic and kick a nearby Pole,  you'll make the bromancer look like a toothless grinning idiot when it comes to prophesying ...


Never mind, when Vlad the impaler sets his sights on the Ukraine, everyone will stand solid ... and besides there are now local pleasures afoot, and as always a Rowe cartoon to celebrate and more Rowe cartoons here ...



Day 99 of MUC and day 52 of MOC, and a dégustation of Caterism is bound to please the inner city hipster ...


As surely as Tuesday follows Monday most days of the week, the stereoscopic Caterist can be spotted in the lizard Oz ...

Explaining why the redistribution of wealth via taxpayer grants to people is a bad thing, except when it's a taxpayer grant to the Caterist pride and joy, the Menzies Research Centre ...

After all, there's redistributing wealth, and then there's a minor readjustment of wealth, and where's the harm in that?

And so to today's reading ...


Indeed, indeed. Whenever the pond feels like an inspirational role model for the Caterists, it turns to good old Ben's election pitch in 1949.

Ben lost handsomely, Ming the Merciless swept into power for a very long reign, and in due course, the Caterist Menzies Research Centre could be named in his honour and it could pillage taxpayer grants with wild abandon ...

What's not to like about that taxpayer grant light on the hill?

And so to the second gobbet, because with the Caterists one gobbet of grants can never be enough, and 'entrepreneur' means knowing how to score a grant ...


Splendid stuff, the pond can never read enough abuse of hipsters emanating from a bunker which happens to be situated deep in Surry Hills, but it has to be said that the pond felt the need to amend the Caterist's last line ...

Contrary to the Caterist thesis, it falls to the Menzies Research Centre to save governments from wasting money on schools and education, and instead to the applying of funds where most urgently needed, the Menzies Research Centre.

How else are we to get bearded barista inner-city coffee shop jokes paid for indirectly by the taxpayer as they keep the jokester in the grant style to which he has clearly become accustomed?

Never mind, it gives the pond a chance to run a little burst by Mark Latham sneering at the "ology" student for his pretend affection for the great unwashed.

Remember taxi-driver arm-breaking Latham? They burned his ashes and sent them to type columns for the Daily Terror ... but back in the day ...


There's a lot more abuse of Caterists here, but it reminded the pond that it was likely to bump into the Caterist in inner Sydney, or perhaps watch in mesmerised fascination as the ponce  knocked off a flute of the SSO champagne at twelve bucks the pop with the skill of an anaconda devouring a government grant ... while gazing out at the lights bouncing off the harbour water in the emerald city.

Ah such a sweet life, and with bonus barista jokes to plunder!

Never mind, after an extensive dégustation of Caterism, the pond always insists on a cartoon, and thankfully there is always David Pope on hand here ... let it stand as the pond's tribute to the Caterist and Menzies Research Centre contribution to global climate science ...



Monday, June 27, 2016

Day 98 of MUC and day 51 of MOC, and the pond settles down to a nice cup of Magna Carta and an Oreo ...


(Above: Fox News alerting America with all that's true and correct).

The arguments go long into the night at the pond, but the pond can't be dissuaded, and insists that despite the enormous competition at the lizard Oz, the Oreo wafer remains the silliest biscuit in the commentariat pack.

The pond acknowledges this is not universally popular or accepted.

There are many who argue in favour of the powerhouse Caterist combine of Cater and Rebecca Weisser, while others maintain an affectionate old-fashioned rage for the Shanahans, suggesting that the Angela makes up for any attempt at moderation and insight by the bouffant one. Some won't let go of the bromancer, others will always remain loyal to Moorice. And it's true that the world has never seen a better climate scientist.

But for a moment this morning, the reptiles offered this piquant juxtaposition ...


And the pond entered the halls of the Valhalla commentariat justified and righteous.

Now Niall Ferguson has appeared in these pages before, and having given him a kicking, it seems only fair to give him first kick ...


Indeed, indeed. A feeble effort from an allegedly conservative commentator, and now it's the Oreo's turn to blow the lad out of the park with a rhetorical effort that's way better than anything even the bromancer could manage in recent days ...


Scintillating stuff, and as the pond expected, it left Ferguson with nowhere to go ...


Indeed, indeed, shallow glib-fear mongering.

No wonder the Oreo could gazump this with a wafer-sharp rhetorical flourish, triumphantly concluding with Magna Carta!

Oh no, you say, she didn't really go there, did she? Yep, she really did ...


Poor Fergo. What's an historian to do when an Oreo leads with the Magna Carta? Does the lad even know how to play open misère?


FCUK up against Magna Carta?

Now is there anyone out there not in awe of the Oreo wafer?

Oh sure the Rowes of the world might make easy jokes ... (and more estimable Rowe here) ...


But in the pond's humble opinion, Ferguson, Britain, EU and the world have been given a damned good Oreo going over. And so, with apologies to Hancock, and his half hour:

MOTHER: Would you like a cup of tea, Jimmy? 
JIM: Tea? Tea? Is that your answer to it all? Tea? The panacea to the middle class! The answer to all the problems facing mankind today? Have a cup of tea, Jim! You both make me sick. You're dead, both of you. You're both mentally dead. Your souls are drowned in tea. Your minds are clogged up with tea bags. You're like two slop basins swimming around in a sea of tea! Just like this country, the whole rotten system, stained in a tea of apathy! 
BROTHER: What's he mean, Mum? 
MOTHER: I don't think he wants a cup of tea. Would you like a cup of Magna Carta and an Oreo biscuit instead Jimmy?




Sunday, June 26, 2016

Day 97 of MUC and Day 50 of MOC, and an almost forgotten Polonial prattle tastes all the sweeter when rescued from the bottom drawer ...


The pond almost missed prattling Polonius this week.

The reptiles banished him to an obscure corner of the lizard Oz ... even teh google didn't think he warranted a picture in its splash ...


This would have been a pity for all the Polonius fanciers who flock to check out the dull plumage of this antiquated bird each week ... because Polonius was intent on proving, in his own humble way, that other religions do like to preach hate, just like radical Islam, and there's nothing like a radical Xian to trot out false equivalencies and sublime historical nonsense ...

But there's no point arguing, there's just the pleasure of the read ...


Now there are many fine and splendid bits of revisionism in this piece, but perhaps the most notable is the line that the Catholic Church has always regarded pedophilia as a serious sin.

And yet, both within the community at large and the Catholic Church in particular, they did things differently in the 1950s and the 1960s.

Polonius, for example, routinely bleats about the behaviour of Professor Richard Downing back in the 1970s and his pleading for understanding in relation to the urges of pederasts.

Polonius frequently uses this as a pathetic stick to bash the ABC, and as a way of distracting from the actual deeds of the Catholic church, but then, that's really just a way of reminding us of the magical power of the chameleon to change colours and arguments on the spot.

Others have a little more understanding of those times and why they happened ...

(And more at the ABC here).

But of course Polonius is never that much interested in insight or truth, or the slow and belated realisation of the enormous harm being done, here and in many other countries ... not when there's an institution to defend, and a valiant crusader peddling half-truths and distortions required ...

As for that bit about homosexuals, perhaps the pond should revert to the official catechism ...


(More here).

Indeed, indeed, no yucky fucky for these objectively, intrinsically disordered folk. Under no circumstances can they be approved of.

But what about communion?


Oh indeed, indeed, talk about keeping the company of hair-splitting Jesuits, and there's more here of the funny mark-up, but it's time to revert to prattling Polonius, valiant radical Xian:


Indeed, indeed. 


You can find the names of the signatories to the Lateran Treaty at the NYRB in The Pope Who Tried, which for the most part is behind the paywall, but which just has time to sneak in the Catholic church's courageous early stand against fascism and Mussolini ...

When Mussolini seized power in his so-called March on Rome in October 1922, Achille Ratti, a scholarly librarian and former archbishop of Milan, had only recently become Pope Pius XI. The Catholic Church had not been particularly supportive of fascism during its rise. Mussolini, after all, had started out his career as an outspoken atheist and anticlerical firebrand. The Church supported its own specifically Catholic party, the Partito Popolare, or Popular Party, which competed with both the Socialists and the Fascists. 
To the pope’s surprise, on taking power Mussolini immediately began a concerted campaign to win the Church’s support. He used his first speech to Parliament to articulate his vision of a Fascist society that placed the Church at the center of Italian life: the Fascist Party would be the unquestioned authority in political life and the Church would be restored to its primacy over the spiritual life of the nation. Mussolini followed up his speech with a series of concrete actions: crucifixes were placed in every public school classroom, courtroom, and hospital room; insulting a priest or disparaging the Catholic religion was made a criminal offense; Catholicism became a required subject in public schools; and considerable state funds were spent on priests’ salaries, as well as Church-run schools overseas.

And so on, and naturally the pond would like to record the complete rejection by the Church of this shameless bribery by the Fascists ...



There, that didn't take long, did it? And such a detailed rejection, such stirring opposition.

And so on and on, through to a new pope and the unerring silence during the course of the second world war, and don't get the pond started on the religious in Germany ...

The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation. It will preserve and defend those basic principles on which our nation has been built. It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality, and the family as the basis of national life.... (Proclamation to the German Nation, 1st February 1933).

Of course Hitler had a warped idea of Christianity and used show trials in 1936 and 1937 to attack the Catholic Church for being riddled with homosexuals, and so the pond would like to record the valiant way the Spanish church stood up against the Fascists ...


(And more pictures here, cannily assembled by fundamentalists of a different stripe raging at the antiChrist, the whore of Babylon).

And so on to Franco, and to the onion muncher ...

In the famous Melbourne University debate about the Spanish Civil War, he declared: “when the bullets of the atheists struck the statue of Christ outside the cathedral in Madrid, for some that was just steel striking brass. But for me, those bullets were piecing the heart of Christ the King”. He could engender a thrill in the heart that was part patriotism, part Christian idealism and part “fighting the good fight”. I was lucky to know BA Santamaria for the last 22 years of his life, to have attended diligently to his writing and speaking over that time and to have been the beneficiary of the occasional private lunch and long phone call. (and more here).

A thrill in the Francoist heart ...

Never mind, a pox on all their fundamentalist houses, from Islamics to evangelical to Catholic to Scientological, but if Polonius thinks prattling about Islamic fundamentalists should get Catholic fundamentalists off the hook, why then, let him lead the campaign for gay marriage during the forthcoming enormous waste of money when the Catholics are guaranteed to get down and dirty and stand shoulder to shoulder with the rest of the ratbag fundies!

And so with less than a week to go, the pond has been digging its contract out of the drawer ...



Ah, but only the other day, the pond discovered an ancient guarantee for a 23" Thorn TV. 

Try getting that, or the Catholic church, to show a good picture in these troubled times when there's so much steel striking brass ...

Day 97 of MUC and day 50 of MOC, and it's time for Windsor and Europe to get Devined ...


Well it's not 4:3 and it's already been shared by every dog on the planet, but what a good and prescient show it was, and thanks to the reader who reminded the pond of its almost quite infinite pleasures (thanks News 24, keep educating the pond on the almost infinite uses of 'infinite').

Meanwhile, the Government Gazette, gutter tabloid Sydney edition, has sprung to attention this day ... hmm, the election must be getting close, all reptiles on deck ...


The hagiography continued in the digital edition, preserved in reptile aspic by the pond ...


And so on. The attack dogs were also front and centre ...


Naturally it was an easy choice for the pond.

When looking for an attack dog, look no further than a Devine one ...


The polling must be showing a close run thing in Tamworth.

You don't wheel out a Devine attack dog if it's a done deal ... keeping her in steaks means choosing targets with care ...

Fortunately it seems that the Terrorists have decided that a small snap of the Devine is all we need to bear ...


As opposed to installing Tony Abbott, a man we learn today was such a flop, he would have cost the Liberal Party some 29 seats if he were in charge today? (Well at least in the Government Gazette gutter tabloid edition's 'what if' world of imaginary polling).

Mr Windsor recalls feeling alarm and pity when Mr Abbott revealed the depth of his personal desire to become prime minister. ''I remember him saying: 'Tony, I would do anything for this job. The only thing I wouldn't do is sell my arse, but I'd have to give serious thought to it,''' he said. (Fairfax here).

Never mind, it's time to revert to the Devine's blog - yes, you can bypass the paywall and get essence of Devine on her blog for free, and all you miss out on is some fancy file photos and layout ... and advertising - and what a joyous bout of vitriolic bile it is this day ...


It is of course beyond post-ironic contempt, but it indicates that things are heating up in Tamworth.

The rellies at the actual race report that much the same could have been written about Barners and his mutt, and his attempt to get a non-working dog into a working dog race, but has it come to this, the rabid discussion of personalities and pissing dogs, rather than policies?

It doesn't get much lower and it made the pond wonder which dog might best be conjured up as a soul mate for the Devine ...

      

But then the pond was instantly mortified at the very notion of such a competition.

The dogs are innocent, no need to blame them by associating them with the Devine ...

And so, since Brexit is on the mind, a sample of the bile that the Devine routinely delivers on every and any area under the sun ...


Poseur elites?

Vlad Putin must be rubbing his hands with glee to see such stupid lemmings as the Devine cheer wildly as they rush towards the cliff ... along with the far right parties of Europe.

But why should the Devine care?

Her heart and soul is at one with extremists, and as well as Donald Trump and Vlad, you can imagine her stomping through the streets of Europe searching for a hooligan brawl at a soccer match ... or a refugee or greenie necktie party (hang them from the nearest lamp-post!)

Congratulations Europe, you haven't just been 'Yes Ministered," you've been de-veined and Devined ...



Saturday, June 25, 2016

Day 96 of MUC and day 49 of MOC, and in these uncertain times, the pond reverts to the always reliable dog botherer ...

(Above: and more Pope here).

Well that was exciting ... though a decision that pleases Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, the far right ratbag parties of Europe, Rupert Murdoch ... oh and Greg Sheridan, as we're mentioning ratbags ... might be thought to have a few unintended consequences.

There are already a few upsides, with David Cameron going and Jeremy Corbyn on the cusp and Boris taking a barrage of booing ...


Like many others involved in a campaign which splits a country and splits a continent, divides hearts and minds, and reduces the ease of the world, uneasy will be the head which attempts to wear the crown ...

Naturally the reptiles were front and centre with commentary ...


Indeed, but why spend time with the xenophobic, resentful, bigoted Greg Sheridan trying to dress it up as a triumph of reasoning ...

Instead, as always, the pond likes to trawl the bottom, like the bottom -eeding flatfish, carp and catfish.

And fortunately along came the dog botherer, because there's not much more bottom than this ...


Those with an ironic, post-modernist mindset will be pleased to note the dog botherer is yet again pushing for conformity ... to the values of 1950s picket-fence thuggery exemplified by the likes of Sam Newman ...


Yes, there you have it, though this person telling us what we shouldn't be saying, really has in mind uppity Islamics who might take a different world view.

It's possible to drift back in time, for those long in tooth, to remember the ranting and the railing by Chris Kenny types at Muhammad Ali.

When he died all was forgiven, though the pond spent too much time retching at the rampant hypocrisy to notice ...

Actually it turns out that you don't have to go back that far for a prime example of a prime twit telling us what we shouldn't be saying ...


And so on, you can google it if you like, because it's the dog botherer in his Adelaide kennel.

But back to the trash talker today, talking the usual trash about the usual suspects ...


Oh fuck, auto-totalitarianism? Where does he pull this stuff from? Is his behind his only source? Why would he line up with the likes of Sam Newman?

It's a misplaced jibe? Sorry, you can't misplace a rant like Sam's ...

Now let's just see how one of the debates is going ...


Well that story is here, (with forced Fairfax video), but the pond was astonished to see the depth of hatred and bigotry that would see the bigots attempt to wriggle off the hook ...

The ploy, which was to be kept under wraps until after the election, has been crafted to allow conservative anti-marriage equality campaigners to concentrate their resources in conservative-leaning regional and outer-suburban electorates where there is the greatest chance of winning enough individual contests to frustrate an expected popular vote, in Parliament.

But back to the dog botherer, attempting to show why a little restraint might be handy ...by scribbling psychographically like a prime dickhead ...


Strange that the dog botherer chose not to mention by name the correspondent involved in the fuss, and busy attempting to carve out a new career as the replacement Miranda Devine at the Terror.

Yes, Caroline Marcus was the one allowed inside Nauru, representing a network best known for arranging the kidnapping of children off the streets and then walking away from the people they paid to do the job, and in her commentariat pose, she is prone to little thought bubbles like this ...

Did you know you have to be a dark-skinned, transgendered Muslim in order to voice an opinion publicly these days? Nor did I, but according to some on the far Left, or “Twitter” as it’s otherwise known, that seems to be the minimum requisite for expressing a view in 2016.

Oh fuck, she really did write that, she really did, possibly after channelling Sam on a dark and stormy night ... so that's why Nauru was onboard.

As for the dog botherer's invocation of George Orwell, the pond has given up on the Godwin's Law swear jar. Let's instead just enjoy a bit more of the dog botherer in cluck cluck, tut tutt, preachy mode ...


Of course the entire point of this day piece by Kenny is to allow him to trash talk a familiar target.

Uppity Islamics ...

These wretches must be made responsible for everyone of the extremist, fundamentalist ratbags out there in the world - in much the same way as the pond blames the dog botherer for Rupert Murdoch, Greg Sheridan, Brexit, the rise of far right extremism, Sam Newman, Eddie Maguire and Caroline Marcus ...


Oh no, not Orwell again?

Couldn't we just allow Orwell to lie in peace for at least one week?

And must we attempt to demonise any attempt to talk intelligently about unimaginable things? Must the dog botherer always wanting to empower the extremists and disable the moderates?

Must we  note that even at this stage, the motivations of the gunman are in question, and that all sorts of stories are still popping out of the woodwork, one here, and that any attempt to reduce the complexities of the world to the simple, moronic, childlike, black and white one inhabited by the dog botherer is bound to be tricky?

Must we talk about that?

Couldn't we just talk about why a fuckwit who keeps talking about freedom of expression wants to clamp down on people saying things he disagrees with? Couldn't we just mention that he even took to the courts to stamp out a harmless satirical suggestion he might be a dog fucker?

Never mind, at least the dog molester has served his purpose and taken the pond's mind off Brexit and the uncertainties that will flow over the next several years ...

Now there's just time for a scatological Rowe cartoon ... and more Rowe here ...