Saturday, April 29, 2017

In which the pond does a bait and switch from ethno porn Stewart to our sweet Gracie ...


The pond had at first thought of checking in with reptile Stewart on the Donald's progress ...

The dear lad seemed to be offering that weird kind of reptile porn, a bit like National Geographic porn, sort of ethnographic porn, which sees an intrepid reptile head off into the donga and speak to the natives ...

Hundreds of reptiles have been writing hundreds of profiles of the Donald's hundred first days, but the trick is to give it a little local relevance, a kind of 'Épater la bourgeoisie' which will shock the elite readers of the lizard Oz, and yet produce a welling of empathy for those outside this illustrious, elite crowd ...

Stewart conjured the mood nicely in his twittering to promote his piece ...

  

There's nothing excites a reptile so much as a feisty start - never mind the fuck-ups - and the smell of coal in the morning. Beats napalm hands down...

And there's the trick in a nutshell. Go off and talk to some dumb fuck, because gosh gee, he's an authentic dumb hillbilly coal and gun-loving dumb fuck, with a fear of commies but not the Ruskis, not now that Vlad's such a decent, friendly, Donald-loving, god-fearing dictator ...

Of course you quickly skedaddle for home after spending a little time talking to the hillbillies - Stewart likes to sign himself as reporting from Washington, dangerous home of know-it-all 'leets - but once you've done your ethno porn tour, you've got enough material to rabbit on endlessly about dangerous elites, balanced by the notion that the Donald has pulled the wool over the eyes of these pathetic hillbillies ...


The trouble is, Stewart takes himself and his blathering seriously, and he goes on endlessly, like a nattering "Ned" in training ...

That's how he ended his piece, and you can see how he tweaks the natives to his purpose, much like the Donald himself. It'll be market forces that dictate the future of coal, because climate science is just a dream ... you know the same way market forces will sort out health and income tax and such like for the rich ...

Before that market-driven closing, Stewart was full-on into his ethnographic porn, daring to walk amongst the natives and even talk to a few of them ...


Oh they're so quaint, and yet so loveable, and yet their views on climate science are so worth quoting ...

You can get the same effect, and much the same impact, by moving amongst creationists dedicated to explaining how dinosaurs were in the Garden of Eden, or angry Sydney Anglicans explaining how Eve means there should be complimentary women ...

There's disbelief, and yet there's something strangely appealing, attractive, almost compelling to the angry old white 'lizard of Oz' reader in these eccentricities ...

But the pond got very tired of all this ethno porn, and decided - since the tired fourth season of Silicon Valley is upon us - to do a quick pivot.

You see, our Gracie has delivered a humdinger this day, so why not a bait and switch? 

Promise ethno porn of an American kind, and deliver some great dinki di Gracie ethno porn instead ...because she is not some sheltered reptile working for the Murdochian dollar, she can sing the song of the workers ...


Yes, our Gracie can do stunning comedy ...


Now it's true that our Gracie's comedy song could be summed up pretty quickly ...

  

But there's a special pleasure in listening to our Gracie deliver the song ...


Indeed, indeed, the pond wishes millennials good luck as our Gracie says hello to affordable housing, Gracie style ...



It struck the pond initially as some kind of comedy sketch. The mocking of education, the celebration of gardener Paulie, and the worship of Dandenong, home for nongs of the Gracie kind ...

That mention of oak-leaf hydrangeas was a final poignant touch ... a reminder of how our Gracie did it tough ...

By golly, she's a trouper ...


But the show didn't end there. There was much more to come ...


Always pleased to serve, the pond is only too happy to provide a link to that Flinders Street property for a cool $169k here ...

Perhaps here the pond should note that it has a dog box out the back for a humble $100k, and any prospective buyer should be aware they can use the outdoor toilet, the laundry, and the garden hose for a brisk shower ... It's currently under inspection by a dog, but the pond is happy to strata title it for some all-day sucker ...remember, a cold water shower early in the morning in winter is the only genuine way to be admitted in to Our Gracie's Just Harden The Fuck Up Club ...

As for the rest, what to say? Our Gracie is so far up herself and the right to screw people in her love of the common folk that the pond was inordinately pleased it had made mention of the Donald ...

The cartoonists have also been busy celebrating the Donald's easy peasy reign, and at least the show could wrap up with a couple of Rowe cartoons, with more Rowe here ...





In which the pond discovers Baxendale is quiet on oppression, and prattling Polonius feels oppressed ...


Others have observed the recent war going down amongst the more vicious and repetitive and simple-minded reptiles, as in Meade here ...

...Lisa Oldfield, one of the cast members of the Foxtel reality show The Real Housewives of Sydney, has to be a frontrunner. Australia needs more feisty outspoken people like Yassmin Abdel-Magied David Stephens Read more Appearing as a panellist on Sky News’ Paul Murray Live this week, Oldfield said the young woman was not ignorant but was a “bitch”. “At the end of the day, I don’t like what she said, I was offended by what she said, but I still support her right to freedom of speech, and my right to be able to turn around and say ‘Lest We Forget Yassmin, that you are brown, you are Muslim and you are a girl and it’s the only reason you have a job at the ABC’.”

And then there was Ackland scribbling about the Yassmin Abdel-Magied bash-a-thon ...

Baxendale is just the latest cab off the rank in this particular reptile bash-a-thon, a conga line of abuse, but with the abuse of a particularly pathetic kind, since it's framed in the usual "when did you stop beating your wife" way ...


Here's how it's done.

The pond heads off to Baxendale's recent pieces for the lizard of Oz ...


The pond is astonished. There's not a single piece about the oppression of women in North Africa, the Middle East, Australia, the hapless complimentary women of the angry Sydney Anglican church, or Catholic women wanting to control their reproductive rights ...

There's a couple of pieces about the 26 year old, but absolutely nothing about oppression ...

The pond does a spot check by heading off to the wittering, twittering Baxendale, here,  and after a cursory inspection, as shallow as a couple of the latest few tweets, concludes that Baxendale hasn't recently tweeted on the oppression of women.

Sadly, and with a great deal of sorrow, the pond concludes that Baxendale is "quiet on oppression" ...

She also drinks way too much kool aid ...

Is it fair? Is it just? Is it right? Who knows, and who cares. That's the whole point of a persecution, of a reptile style witch-hunt. Just do it ...

How does she live with herself? The pond has no idea, but then the pond has no idea how any of the reptiles justify their lives ...

Of course Baxendale's behaviour is made even more piquant when eyes scroll down to look at prattling Polonius's contribution for the day ...and what do you know, he's moaning about a witch hunt against churches, though with a marvellous irony, Polonius himself will do a witch hunt against the Uniting churches ...

Presumably this can be justified because they're in dire theological error and are off to hell quik stix ...



Perforce the pond must ask why an enraged Baxendale didn't scribble a rebuttal to Polonius's piece, and demand it be published forthwith ...

Sadly, and with a great deal of sorrow, the pond must conclude that Baxendale is quiet on the oppression of children in the Catholic church ...

As for prattling Polonius himself, it's a reminder of what great lengths truculent tykes will go to, in the business of distraction and the art of deflection, refusing to accept responsibility, while doing level best to blame others for all the woes that have befallen the Catholic church  ...

Before beginning the usual tedious journey, the pond should pause to mention the "he (or she, or they) did it too" syndrome ...



It's possibly worth expanding a little on the idea, as found here:

The tu quoque fallacy is committed when it is assumed that because someone else has done a thing there is nothing wrong with doing it. This fallacy is classically committed by children who, when told off, respond with “So and so did it too”, with the implied conclusion that there is nothing wrong with doing whatever it is that they have done. This is a fallacy because it could be that both children are in the wrong, and because, as we were all taught, two wrongs don’t make a right. 
Example 
(1) The Romans kept slaves. 
Therefore: 
(2) We can keep slaves too. 
This argument commits the tu quoque fallacy because it assumes that if someone else does a thing then it’s okay for us to do it too. It does not follow, however, from the simple fact that the Romans kept slaves, that there is nothing wrong with keeping slaves. It is plausible to think that the Romans acted immorally in keeping slaves, and that we would act immorally if we followed their example. The conclusion of the argument therefore does not follow from its premise.

Now to an extended bout of Polonius shouting, but they did it too ...and it's even worse at home, because they do it too there ...

If it takes on the tone of a surly child talking of others doing it too, please, remember, it's Polonius in his dotage ...



Now in a sensible world, Polonius wouldn't go around saying blacks do it too, and they do it at home, and it's all the fault of the liberal media and so on and so forth ...

Better just to take the lumps and acknowledge not just shocking "allegations" but actual real, certified, proved cases of shocking abuse ...

But that's the classic way of ameliorating and sustaining the lie ... as if "allegations" were all that were to be found ...

Then comes a classic tyke gambit, with the talk of an obsession with Catholicism, as if there's no reason to be deeply interested, in a legal sense, in all that's gone on in this bizarre, and in this matter at least, appalling institution ...

This is as good an example as any of the continuing level of denialism that runs rife through the Catholic church - the resentment, the unwillingness to accept what happened, the desire to blame others, even the kitchen sink, for things that occurred within the church ...

The funny thing is that when the pond was attending Catholic school acceptance of personal responsibility was all the go. It was considered a necessary pre-condition for change and reform.

Polonius, deep in the "they did it too" syndrome of seeking absolution, isn't much interested in acknowledging the past as a way of beginning to change or reform.

Instead, Polonius sinks the slipper into other churches ...as noted, seeing the Uniting Church as a small, but juicy target, offering a wonderful chance to distract and deflect ...


The pond knows these lyrics well ...

There's a little Polonius waiting at the counter of the corner church
He's been waiting down there
Waiting half the day
To see if the Uniting Church copped a good bollocking
And gets pushed around
Like the hapless long suffering tykes have been pushed around
Knocked to the ground
So he gets to his feet and he sings
What about them
It isn't fair
They did it too
They're worse than us you see
Not that you'd know it watching the ABC
I've had enough now, the Uniting Church should get its share
Can't you see
I wanna be left alone
But the liberal media just takes more than it gives ...

Maybe the pond disremembered the lyrics in their precise original form. No doubt Rachel Baxendale will provide the exact text when she stops being quiet about oppression of children and women ...

For your sins my child, write ten columns about the angry Sydney Anglicans, and oh, say ten Hail Marys, that should do it ...

Meanwhile, Polonius delivers a final prattle, and did anyone guess, did anyone have the faintest clue, that the ABC would be in his sights ...


At the end of all this, the pond wasn't left with a desire to argue, so much as a desire to ponder a metaphysical question.

Does prattling Polonius think this is the road to heaven? Heck, does Cardinal Pell imagine he's on the road to heaven?

Does anyone imagine that the "he did it too" defence is a goer, and like Icarus will soar into the sky?

Does all this talk of fallible memory and Paul Bongiorno absolve the church of the many actual crimes, as opposed to allegations, that have been recorded by the very necessary and useful Royal Commission?

There's also the 'billy goat but' fallacy ... embodied in those last lines ...

Needless to say, genuine cases of historical child sexual assault should be followed up. But ...

No, there's no need for a "butt", Billy Goat, and there's certainly no need to resort to the deeply weird and increasingly strange Arndt ...

Just take your licks and drop the "butt" or even just the "but" ... 

Instead try to get better at life in the future. Heck it wouldn't hurt if the church tried to get a little better by attending to the words of Christ. The pond is aware that the church likes to select passages from the bible, but really, that line about "suffer little children" isn't a prescription insisting that children must suffer ...

If only there was an actual hell, it would be safe to say that the 'they did it too' and 'billy goat but' syndromes provide a fast track to said hell ... you think your Jesus would tolerate this sort of obfuscating crap? Look into your hearts ... heck, the pond knows that Rachel Baxendale has looked into hers and will no longer be quiet on oppression. Stand by for that Baxendale rocket, prattling Polonius ...

And so to something completely different, for an after-dinner mint refreshment, thanks to a different sort of Pope, with much papal enlightenment available here ...


Hmm, the pond has also been there before ...




Friday, April 28, 2017

In which the pond wonders what glory there is left in Cory ...


To say the pond is disappointed with Cory is an understatement.

There were the grand old days, with 50,000 signing up for his conservative movement and Cory fever about to sweep the country like cholera, or at least dengue fever.

What's it come to?

Tory scribbling about Cory, and the main interest for the pond the way that all the regional Murdochian mastheads are now packaged like rice crisps around the land ...


The HUN?

What a shame, what a tragedy ...

The 'Tiser reduced to servicing the mighty V and the Terrorists?


Croweaters in despair ...and for what?

So Tory can compare Cory speaking ...to a muppet dribbling?


Yes, the pond gets it. There's a HUN rendezvous, and a Terrorist one, and one for croweaters, and eerily, they all manage to look and sound just the same ...

But once there were giants that walked the political landscape, with hopes and dreams and human desires to repair everything ... and sort the world out like some super-duper Tory down under  ...

How Dame Slap held her tremulous breath in hope ...


It was a glory time for Cory, no notion of the gory time that would see him devolve into a regional politician, spurned by other regional politicians who couldn't believe their luck at the way the draw came out ...

Now all that's left to him is regional condescension and parochialism:

"For those of us who have been around politics for a long time, we can understand the consequences and implications of significant decisions like this," the Senator explained. "We got our head around it quickly but it is much more difficult for those who are new to the political environment."

There's not much to get the old noggin around.

The dropkick loser is taking on Nick X, and will be lucky to retain his own seat, let alone drag another Senator across the line.

Why sit in silence listening to Cory blather on as the fearless leader of a party of two,  as opposed to having a little fun on the cross bench?

Already the mocking has begun ... with Tory dishing it out to Cory like he's some sort of non-story ...


Room to grow, and soon there will be spring and summer, and then the leaves will yellow and drop in the fall and things will turn desultory near the end of the allegory ...

Yet once there were hopes and dreams that Cory would be the repository of Tory hopes ... see how Dame Slap saw the future celebrate Cory's broad church, before it turned out to be a small bunch of barking mad Xian fundamentalists ...


That was scribbled less than a year ago, and what's the best Cory has come up with?

An alliance with a bunch of fundamentalists who score the odd seat now and then, and put them in the hands of ratbags and bankrupts ...

Oh sure Tory does her best to put a gloss on the story ...


But blathering on about Aloysius and Snufflepagus shows just how hard it is to spin this bit of nonsense into anything meaningful ...

Cue the reptiles a few days ago sinking in the boot (behind the paywall, googling text required):

Mr Bernardi disputed claims by senior minister Christopher Pyne that the merger proved Australian Conservatives and Family First couldn’t survive alone, saying Mr Pyne’s analysis was “self serving”. “If there was no threat to Christopher Pyne he wouldn’t be making any comment,” he said. “These sort of trouble makers, or power brokers, as they like to style themselves, in the Liberal Party, they are responsible for the...disillusionment by the public, “People like Christopher Pyne don’t stand for anything and they are worried that a coalition government doesn’t stand for anything”.
Sure, Cory did his best to liven things up by having a go at the poodle ...
When asked whether he would consider merging with One Nation, Mr Bernardi said it wasn’t an immediate goal. “I will work cooperatively and positively with anyone,” he said.

No you won't you goose, you stormed away from your colleagues, and ended up with a bunch of loser dropkick fruit loops as your chosen new companions ... you don't have the first clue about working cooperatively and positively with anyone, unless they hail the fast-fading glory of Cory ...

Sure there were some who crawled out of the woodwork to deplore Tory's hoary inventory of hope ...


But the hard hats at the lizard of Oz had already written their derogatory admonitory story ...


Yep, two loser dropkicks get together to salvage what they can, and next thing you know Tory is scribbling a story about muppets not having much of a clue ...

Well the pond is now seriously reviewing its association with, and promotion of Cory. 

Let's face it, each day the pond has to associate with reptile losers and dropkicks. Having a total loser dropkick on the masthead, who thinks the party of Bob Day is a step up, is too rich even for the pond ...there has to be a smidgin of memento mori as things head down the lavatory ...

As usual, the final decisive word must go to a cartoonist, thanks to David Rowe, and more excellent Rowe here, where all stray cats and dogs are welcome...




In which the pond searches the reptile Catholic Boys' Daily Government Gazette in vain for some guidance on good and bad debt ...


The pond is nervous. The Donald doesn't have much more time to issue a one page summary of how he intends to deal with, sort out and solve all the issues confronting the United States and the world by the end of the year. 

Oh sure, he's fixed US tax system, and he's got until Sunday, if we count by Australian time, but still, the pond is nervous ...

Perhaps he should take a note from the local reptiles.

Confronted by ScoMo's bizarre attempt to sort out debt into good and bad, the reptiles naturally completely ignored it, and instead devised a hypocrisy storm for Bill's bus at the top of this day's digital page ...

If they'd wanted to, they could have devised an hypocrisy storm around a more modest truck - well Malware was paying for it, and even his dollars can only drive things so far ...




Was it only a year ago that the gibbering loon known fondly on these pages as nattering "Ned" was talking of moral challenges?


Doing the numbers is a moral challenge?

That's even worse than trying to turn climate science into a moral challenge, as opposed to being a singular challenge for politicians to attempt to sound sensible...

The numbers add up or the numbers don't. That's not a moral challenge, that's do the math (though the pond finds a calculator helps).

So where's nattering "Ned" this day as we learn the great moral challenge has turned into "good" and "bad" debt?

Can anyone find a lead story on the great moral challenge this day on the front digital page?




Nope, there's Coatsie, and Gra Gra on the Donald, and gas locked way, and a get the Muslim pice, and a click bait yarn about the new fast diet ...and so on and so forth ...

What about the tree killer edition? Did ScoMo score a front page hit with his revelation of good debt and bad debt?


Nope, there was a mention of debt in the digital edition, down the page ...


But the reptiles did their very best to ignore the story ... a quick look around the Murdochian empire suggests that the word went out that this wasn't a story ... though the reptiles of Oz could find space near the top of the page for the usual bit of urbane Urban nonsense, spooked by the spectre of feminism ...


What about the Oz columnists? Did nattering "Ned" or any of the other reptiles turn up to discuss ScoMo's revelations?

Fat chance ...



Nope, nothing there, nada, zilch, zero. Though there was a comedy item,  Making students allergic to ideas...

How about making readers allergic to ScoMo's stunning revelations?

The Currish Snail topped the comedy charts with this comedy front page ...


Well the government's got nothing on the reptiles when it comes to burying the dead ...ignoring ScoMo and cultivating a culture of secrecy about "good" and "bad" debt ...

Here's a little more of nattering "Ned" back in 2016 ...


Back then, "Ned" couldn't get enough of great moral challenges and moral duties ...


There's any number of other stories to be found if anyone is interested in a wasted life.

It wasn't so long ago that the reptiles and assorted sites were in a state of near hysteria about undifferentiated debt ...



These days the Aus debt clock ticks over, unmourned and unnoticed here ...

The foolish, unhinged, unschooled, uneducated clock was never trained to understand the difference between good and bad debt ... and it seems the readership of Oz will also take some time to be led by the nose to a deeper understanding ...

It made the pond marvel yet again at the cheekiness of the reptile banner ...


For the informed Australian?

So what's all this about good and bad debt?

Don't you worry about that. Here, have a little more chook food and get into a real moral panic ...


If there was ever a definitive day that the Murdochians abandoned any wet lettuce leaf attempt to pretend that the Catholic Boys' Daily wasn't also the Government Gazette, this is surely the day ...

Is it any wonder that the pond fervently believes the only way forward is a cartoon-led recovery?


More immortal Pope here, and more immortal Rowe here ...


And since the pond started off by mentioning the Donald ...why not share a couple of the logarithm-driven finds that so torment the pond these days ...