Thursday, September 01, 2016

In which the pond intolerantly refuses to tolerate the intolerant pretending to be tolerant...



There's something beguiling about Mexican cartoonist Paco Calderón Cartones' cartoon - it reminded the pond of that very nice koan (and more koans here):


Those precious moments, that little surge of sweetness, is why the pond visits the pages of the reptiles each day ... and sure enough ...


Now this sort of modest splash probably doesn't build up things with sufficient style, so here we go, trumpets and drum roll please maestro ...


By golly, that's solid stuff,  and it helps explain why others read the reptile Oz too ...

And so to the main course, Carr certified, a recommendation guaranteed to ensure the pond's deepest enthusiasm, much like the public transport initiatives and infrastructure projects conducted during Carr's reign to leave NSW a richer and more efficient state (what's that you say, the Olympic stadium doesn't drop you at work each day? Well, that's why they invented the 50km walk) ...


Now Maher Mughrabi can look after himself, as can leftists, but really, that's such a stupid opener that the pond thoroughly enjoyed it.

Of course religion isn't a race and theoretically it should have nothing to do with race or ethnicity or nationality.

Somebody forgot to tell the protestants of Tamworth when they abused the pond for being an Irish retard Catholic dog perhaps aligned with frogs ...or the pond's Greek friend for being a wog ...

Another scribbler - the pond can't imagine who - wrote this, and more here:

Hey presto! Without a coherent object, racism is eliminated as a phenomenon!! Let joy be unconfined!

You can't be racist against Italians, because Italians aren't a race, they are a nationality. (This should have been on posters here in the 1950s.) You can't be racist against Jews, for the same reason that you can't be racist against Muslims.

If only it were simply a matter of race as something that does or doesn't exist. But it isn't. Racism is about how we think of ourselves – and others.

Indeed, indeed, and while the pond has no time for Daesh, Saudi Arabia - that thing about women not driving really snarks the pond - and rampant Wahhabism, why is it always that scribblers like Monk routinely quote the likes of Daniel Pipes and ignore the crusaders that have been in their midst for yonks?




Even that fellow Iraq war lover Christopher Hitchens found Pipes a bit rich, suggesting he confused scholarship with propaganda and pursued petty vendettas with scant regard for objectivity, but that didn't stop the sword wielder and Saudi Arabia lover wanting to appoint him to the board of the United States Institute of Peace (Peace is their profession) (wiki here).

It really irritates the pond the way that the crusaders are suddenly on a crusade about Saudi Arabia, as if it wasn't there to be discovered long ago ...

Never mind, on we go with astute, Carr-certified analysis ...


Actually the crux of the matter is that any militant religion poses a direct and deliberate threat to any secular liberal constitution. We must organise our defences and push back on a coherent and principled basis.

Which doesn't lend itself to a kind of confused pick and stick Alan Jones sort of assessment, whereby a pasty Hastie creationist fundamentalist is somehow different to other forms of fundamentalism ... this is after all, a man who gets to vote on gay marriage, school chaplains and funding of fundamentalist religious schools wanting to teach creationism as a different scientific theory ...

However the pond's campaign is unlikely to find much meaningful help from a scribbler who blathers on about regressive leftists, and who fails to mention the other crusaders who were in our midst ... what exactly did Dr Monks do during the war daddy?




Let's hear it from Doug Wead, an Assembly of God evangelist ...


Yes, he's one of them and they knew it, and the two Christian crusaders went off to war and left us with a fine old mess... and now we're only supposed to fear Islamic fundamentalists?

Here's the thing.

You can't send Islamics to the sin bin, and provide an exemption for other religious fundamentalists ...

Nor should you propose that if people don't like your offer of benign tolerance that they should then be smoted and smited with your raging intolerance ...

How is it that they who must bow to your generous and benign tolerance, or be excluded from the benefits of toleration? And what exactly are those benefits, if the main one seems to be to suffer under the yoke of your benign discrimination, abuse and intolerance for refusing the offer of tolerance?

Well the pond is intolerant of all religions on an equal opportunity basis, but it's also intolerant of those who preach intolerance dressed up as if it's some kind of tolerance ...

By golly, that's how confused that Monk has made the pond, but while we're at it, can we also be intolerant of all the religions who intolerantly refuse to allow same sex marriage? Not just the Islamics and Daesh, though they're reprehensible enough, but also the ones that do it with a benign smirk and a cucumber and cheese sandwich, before consigning gays to eternal hellfire ...

And now speaking of peace and harmony throughout the land, surely this will become a cult hit of the first water ... in this version you get to see it twice!!

Is there manna? Is there heaven? Is there a constructive parliament?




While watching, a YouTube ad came up warning of the four stages to a heart attack ... the pond thinks the video got it to the second or third stage ...is Abbott the most shameless politician in living memory or what?


In which the pond worries about badgers and Moorice ...


So what's news this Thursday?

Well Michael Rowland defamed Sigrid Thornton this early morning and mangled the English language yet again by calling her a "rolled gold legend."

He really does have a fairly infinite, totally unique way with words ... but it was the plight of that defiant badger that struck at the heart of the pond - and there's more Rowson here ...

From mangled English and defiant badgers, it's just a short hop, skip and a jump to outraged, hysterical reptiles and the pond immediately knew, thanks to its proud inclination to utter perversity, which cab would be first off the ranks this morning ...


What a line up. No wonder the reptile business plan is working so well ... and it's reflected in the astonishing number of hits the pond daily receives...

Why, we might be past ten by noon ...

Now the weak namby-pamby, pamby mamby do gooders might wander off to read Colin Rubenstein wringing his hands and cluck clucking and tut tutting, but the pond knew where that would lead ...

Let your little Verses flow 
Gently, Sweetly, Row by Row: 
Let the Verse the Subject fit; 
Little Subject, Little Wit. 
Namby-Pamby is your Guide; 
Albion's Joy, Hibernia's Pride...

There could be only one cultural warrior this day, the reptiles' pride and joy, you bloody dinkum beaut, Oceania's Pride, the wonder of the Sahul Shelf ...


Now the pond knows there will be a few cynics asking what on earth "essential freedom" means. 

Is it a meditation on the importance of regular bowel movements? 

What are these core values? Are we talking about the riches to be found in geological samples?



Oh, those core values ...

Righto, the pond has no time for those petulant cynics white-anting away at core values and essential freedoms...

Why the next thing you know, people will be doing devious things to our precious bodily fluids. 

What we need is an ancient mariner stopping anyone and everyone for a moment, importuning them in his dulcet, beguiling tones to listen to yet another epic rant ...


Now the pond can hear the quiet murmuring in the background. 

Wouldn't it be kinder to just have him put down? What else to make of that portrait of a hound supplied by Krygsman at top of page? Is this a coded message to Mike Baird? 

But at least we now have an answer to what constitutes essential freedom and core values. 

It consists of the right to be a barking mad climate denialist sobbing into a hankie while typing out "won't someone think of the children"?


Damn you UN and your fiendish world government plan, rolled out in darkest night (oh and thanks to Malcolm Roberts, we shouldn't forget the Rothschilds and the banks, should we Colin?)

Well dammit, the pond stands proudly alongside Moorice to celebrate a couple of world wars and the fruits of colonialism and imperialism. Proud heritage items, and there's plenty more war-mongering where that came from ...

Sadly however, it seems that these days Moorice quickly runs out of steam, or if you will, deflates like a party balloon, and so the rest of the rant is over all too quickly ...


Around this time, the pond began to wonder what it would be like to do a thought experiment. 

Imagine if you were young, swimming in the world of the intertubes, with employment tricky and subject to seasonal change and short-term contract, the price of housing in Sydney obscenely high, and so on and endlessly forth, and you came across a loon in Hyde Park (that's the Sydney version) shrieking that "socialism is the dominant ideology."

You might well toss a coin or two in the hat - if you had any - and shake your head in bemusement and then move on ... and thereby miss the best line of all, a shouting at the ruling class (before the loon retires to a handsome restaurant before lunch) about too many freedoms having been sacrificed on the altar of equality ... and public tolerance wearing thin...

There are caricatures that have some remote resemblance to reality and then there's Moorice ...

Never mind, the pond can now pause to admire a roast duck in the Haymarket ...



Yes, the pond has spent many a happy hour in the Haymarket, and you just never know what you'll find on the menu ...


And while thanking Rowe with a click here, how about another Rowson?


Yes, and the next time you read about a Tory member of the Tory elite ranting about 'leets, just lie back and dream of Tudor England ...




Wednesday, August 31, 2016

In which the pond suffers along with long-suffering men, thanks to the shared suffering of Dame Slap ...



Oh dear, where will it all end.

Not men in suits ...



Oh dear, and Sam's not the halal snack pack of old, more a dim sim a little short of a fried rice ...

All the same, the pond was deeply moved by the dilemmas of the men in suits, choice of tie preferably red or blue, and more generally the suffering of men.

There was the arm-breaker yesterday shedding tears about the fate of angry white men, and Bettina Arndt bobs up on a regular basis anxious about the suffering of men, so the pond was in the mood for even more male suffering ...and who better to get out the twelve string and sing the blues song of male suffering than Dame Slap?



Yes, the poor precious petals are drooping, and what do you know, one day the fat cat banks can do no wrong in Dame Slap's school at the top of the Faraway Tree, and the next day they can do no right ...



Now the pond has to confess that about this far into the fulminating fury, the pond began to drift and nod off like a Hinch in search of a park bench or a handy seat under cover.

Sure there were rich philosophical options. How about "There is such a thing as objective truth" on the basis of genuine belief ...

Why it would be snarky of a quark to quibble about such fine-grained philosophical musings.

And as for Dame Slap, the news she had resigned column-writing for the tender, warm, frustrating yet privileged business of being a hands-on mother, forthwith, and of instant effect, moved the pond to a chorus of huzzahs and a quiet shedding of tears at her nobility.

No matter that the pond would no longer read from her keyboard news of climate science conspiracies emanating from a UN intent on establishing world government ...

Surely the sacrifice wouldn't be in vain. She could instead impart such theories to the children of the world while doing tuck shop duty.

Oh okay, the pond did tootle off to twitter for awhile ...






Well at least there were a few token women to spot, careless wretches who pay no heed to the children ... get back to your warm, tender, frustrating business, puh-lease ... and if you haven't got any, why not? Must the pond revive memories of Bill Heffernan and David Farley?

And so back to Dame Slap railing and flailing away ...



Now around this point the pond came back to the real world a little startled.

What's this about Telstra taking four long years to set up a working Wi-Fi system in your house?

Which ning nong would even think about employing Telstra for the task?

And it was around this point that the pond began to suspect that Dame Slap didn't have much of a clue about anything. Speaking of improving technical competence ...

And then there was the richness of Dame Slap talking about the poisoned hiring and firing well, and it seems the fleeting memories of the Abbott government are now but a dream ... 

That'd be the world where the Abbott government indulged in a culling and an absolute refusal to hire anyone from the other side - anyone at all, even those who had no political affiliations, if they'd worked for the enemy.

It led to complete disarray in the public service and on boards, and much delay to much needed appointments. It was almost as singular as the persecution set in motion by the McCarthy years ...

A few moaned and whinged about it ...

Late last month, prominent businessman Andrew Mohl was reported as saying he was not reappointed to the Export Finance Insurance Corporation because of an Abbott government decision not to renew the terms of any directors appointed under Labor. If true, this shocking allegation is the pits of impropriety and makes a mockery of Cormann's efforts to ensure Commonwealth agencies are as efficient and effective as possible. The government should come clean on this. (here).

They never came clean, of course, they just cleaned out Abbott and decided to proceed with a little more caution, but it provided the pond with a hearty chuckle, all that talk of the telltale sign of gender and diversity politics poisoning the well of merit ...

The Conversation here provided this lovely little cameo of some of the mates ...


Eek, there's one woman. Talk about poisoning the well of merit ... but that's talking about real world appointments, rather than the windy rhetoric of the wind-up doll known as Dame Slap ...

And now, speaking of men in suits, and wi fi and copper, and refusing to mention men who talk like goats to goats, there's more M David cartoons here ...





In which the pond shows some respect for the cynical wretches destined to spend eternity roasting in hellfire ...




Talk about agitation. 

The reptiles can sense that the chance of a decent bout of poofter bashing - all done in a terribly polite way of course, a proper and circumspect and civilised debate - might be slipping away ... so this day the digital edition is full of concerned citizens ...

And all this after Cory's done such hard work clearing the decks so that anyone might be able to insult and offend in style without fear of the law!


Indeed, indeed. Bloody racists ...

Already the angry Sydney Anglicans have been emboldened and stepped out to do a little photo bombing ...


Now the pond is all for a civil and tolerant discussion.

If you're a homosexual and you commit homosexual acts, you're destined to a roasting in hellfire for all eternity for your abominable crimes and that's that.  

Oh sure, you can water it down and step around it how you like and extend forgiveness and understanding, but if you do it, just remember you're damned ...

Now don't go fudging. It's a life of virginal chastity, or hellfire ...


Indeed, indeed. A homo! Oh okay, maybe that's a Calamity Jane joke here, but where there's smoke there's a lot of angry Anglican fire ... so cop this instead from the real David Ould ...


Indeed, indeed, and a lot more here,  and now that's cleared up, it's off to hell with you, yes you, you bloody heretics and splitters and homos and dissident complimentary women ...

And now let's get a good solid angry Anglican contribution to the debate ...


Yes, it's a pretty pass when Keysar Trad and the Sydney Anglicans line up together, and no doubt we can look forward to the angry Sydney Anglicans adopting some of Saudi Arabia's stern but just rules when it comes to dealing with the outrageous behaviour of complimentary women ... how dare the uppity things want to drive, or even worse, speak up in church. Be silent, you provocative hussies ...

But note the cunning tactic. 

It's all tainted, it's all too hard, and worse, we won't be able to point out that they're all due in hell pretty soon, and even worse, some of the reptiles are looking at the thoughts of the photo bomber, which litter the intertubes and show angry Sydney Anglicans at their finest and most forgiving ...


Okay, there must be some way to shut down the debate. 

Hmm, what better way than to wheel in the portentous, insufferably pompous nattering Ned Kelly, a sure-fire guaranteed way to get everyone nodding off to sleep in a nano second ...


By golly, that's a jolly jape, and sssh, not a word how the onion muncher made marriage equality and the plebiscite a tactical weapon. Instead let's have a witty reptile illustration ...


Oh dear, the pond can sense the one remaining reader nodding off, or perhaps tiptoeing away, and that talk of euphoria resulting in the sort of microsleep drivers are warned about all the time ...

Perhaps a Rowe could help eyeballs stay alert ... and more Rowe here ...


Okay, if the pond could just summarise proceedings to this point, for those who came in late to the story. 

Angry Anglicans simply want to point out, in a caring, measured and calm debate, that poofters are wicked sinners off to hell, and assorted deviates are attempting to ruin the fun and end the debate before it's even begun, and before hordes of angry Anglicans can photo bomb politicians, and nattering Ned is taking a firm stand on the matter ... 

Now read on, brave solitary reader ...


Okay, there's an obvious question here. Is this why the reptiles' business plan sees them papering airport lounges around the country? Because there's no way to make money out of Ned's natterings, might as well give him away, to keep up the circulation figures ...

Even worse, it's around this point in pursuit of endless, relentless tedium that the pond usually likes to revert and remind the solitary reader of nattering Ned's previous hysterical contributions, and not so long ago at that ...


There's oodles more of course of alarm and hysteria and pandering to the churches, and strangely, it always comes into the pond's mind whenever Ned begins to muse about strange contradictions ... and so to the final gobbet in today's offering ...


Yes, yes, it's a bad precedent and there are strong and valid arguments against it, but let's face it, how else are angry Sydney Anglicans and fundamentalist Islamics and evangelicals going to be able to get together, and patiently and calmly explain that homosexuals are off to an eternity of hellfire, and also, alarmingly, might well miss out on the 72 virgins ... and even worse Malware might not be able to keep on rolling out his futuristic copper based solution to Australia's urgent broadband needs.

Or some such thing, but right now, the pond urgently needs a Pope cartoon to slake its thirst, and more Popery here, thankfully of a non-Vatican, bigot-free Kandy Man kind ...