Saturday, May 28, 2016

Day 68 of MUC and day 21 of MOC and the major Mitchell and Dame Slap open fire ...



The pond has to confess to a sense of bitter disappointment ...

The reptiles seem to have moved the major Mitchell survey of the media to a Saturday slot, but this is pallid stuff, not at all what the pond was expecting from the most famous Order of Lenin hunter in the land ...



Regurgitating Paul Kelly, Mark Latham, Peta Credlin, and what happened on the Bolter and Paul Murray days before ...? That's it, that's all the proud cocky wrote?

Well it's a living, especially when a plucked galah is put out to pasture, but it reminds the pond mostly of sipping on a tepid brew of weak tea ...

Sure there's moments of comedy, like calling out Peter Hartcher for sitting on the left ...

No doubt he and chairman Rudd always talked about the changing of the underpants, but only in the world of The Government Gazette would Hartcher be deemed a leftie ...

Perhaps it helps a major Mitchell to pose as some kind of bizarre centrist ...



Um, go figure the size of the black hole, or the mendacity of the behaviour, or the uselessness of a major Mitchell cheering on disinformation and misleading calculations as a useful strategy for both sides.?

Truly it's dispiriting stuff, and it helps explain why the lizard Oz deteriorated so much during the major Mitchell years into a kind of lesser Mitchell...



Is that some sort of nadir? Parroting Dennis Atkins ... he believed, he said, he believed ... why a monkey left alone with a keyboard could probably also reproduce Shakespeare ...

Now the pond guesses that the major Mitchell is rusty, having spent most of his recent years telling others what to write, so cribbing, in the guise of a homage and a commentary on the commentators, must have seemed like a natural fall-back.

But it's a dud, dull, dud writing that would have bored the pond, even without a desire to have a go at the plumage of the major Mitchell ...

As a result, the pond had to turn to a reptile who knows how to hand out the slaps ... especially when there are greenies nearby threatening to undermine the entirety of western civilisation ...



You can imagine the impact this had on the pond. We had to rush out in the back yard to check on how the preps for the bug out bag was going so we'd have the readies for the bug out bunker ...

Even stranger, the pond began to freak out when Dame Slap started to make the greenies sound like Donald Trump on the matter of trade and Mexican T-shirts ...

Ford announces a few weeks ago that Ford is going to build a $2.5 billion car and truck and parts manufacturing plant in Mexico. 
I would call up the head of Ford, if I was president, I'd say, "Congratulations. I understand that you're building a nice $2.5 billion car factory in Mexico and that you're going to take your cars and sell them to the US zero tax, just flow them across the border." And you say to yourself, "How does that help us? Where is that good"? It's not. 
So I would say, "Let me give you the bad news. Every car and every part manufactured in this plant that comes across the border, we're going to charge you a 35% tax, and that tax is going to be paid simultaneously with the transaction. 
Now, if it's not me in the position, here's what's going to happen: They're going to get a call from the donors or from the lobbyist for Ford and say, "I take care of you, and you can't do that to Ford." I'm using my own money. I'm not using the lobbyists. I'm not using donors. I don't care.

Indeed, indeed, what sayeth the Dame to that? How does she haileth teh Donald?

...maybe the rise of Trump is a necessary first step, a clumsy one to be sure, but one that precedes the rise one day of more sensible leaders who understand the cult of political correctness is not a centrist phenomenon. While the cult draws believers from the elites, most ordinary people want more, not less, freedom to think and speak. It’s not called common sense for nothing.

No, on a bad day, it's called common Dame Slap confused stupidity ... and for nothing too ...

But now it's back to the gobbets ...


Of course, of course, because climate science is just another kind of religion, and belief in it involves either heresy or faith ... in much the same way as gravity really just involves religious sentiment and anyone who refuses to accept gravity will surely be expelled ... (look, there they go, drifting up into the stratosphere ...)

Ah well, what can you do when stupid people talk stupidly ... 

But we have to remember and forgive Dame Slap, for that sublime moment when she jumped on the Lord Monckton bandwagon and began talking about the way climate science was just a clever way to introduce world government ... yet still has the cheek to talk about the greenies as some kind of extremist group of nutters ...

It doesn't get any nuttier than Planet Janet circling satellite Monckton ... and so to the last of the gobbets ...


Splendid stuff ... 

But when will the Dame admit that she happens to agree with Daesh ... at least on the matter of gay marriage.

Homophobes together in a just religious cause, celebrating the freedom of religion to be bigoted and to persecute ... much the same way, no doubt, that menfolk in Saudi Arabia tend to get a little disturbed when anyone is inclined to flash around the feminist label ...

But that's how it goes in these religious times ... when science is treated as a matter of faith, and Dame Slap can sound just like a mad ayatollah on the subject of gays and women, while berating the greenies ...

It makes the pond's head spin, and since this sort of mind-altering substance costs nothing in the marketplace, long may it continue ...

Major Order of Lenin hunting Mitchell, please take note. Loonacy is the way forward ...

Now remind the pond again what was that bit about fundamental freedom of expression and the fundamental right to speak freely?





Day 68 of MUC and day 21 of MOC and the dog botherer and Polonius do battle over the Turnbull bone ...


There's nothing like starting the day with the sight of a right couple of royal Nemos, and the pond owes the pleasure to David Pope, with more papal pleasures available at his gallery here ...

Meanwhile, the reptiles are in full flight this day ...

The usual pandering hacks are out and about, doing their forelock-tugging business ...


Admirable really ... and lo, behold, the heavyweights, old Dame Slap and new Lenin medal hunting cockatoo Major Mitchell have both turned up on a Saturday, the Dame to slap down the filthy, vile greenies ... and the cocky ... well, the cocky seems to want to parrot Peta ...


So many choices and so little time, and naturally, being full of perversity, the pond hungered for its weekly history lesson from prattling Polonius ... this week doing his Greta "I want to be alone" Garbo impression ... or should that be his Mal "leave his lawn alone" Ware impression ...


Let it be, let it be, who knew Polonius was a secret Beatles lover, spinning the platters backwards for the hidden message ...


And that's how you overlook the central fact of Abbott's deep unpopularity infesting Malware like a dose of the bubonic plague ... 

But by golly, Polonius is in good form this day, re-living the Menzies dream and the onion-munching wall-puncher's success ... while mocking the Fairfaxians ...


And so, with a breath-taking astuteness, Polonius strikes from the record all the many criticisms Malware made of the Abbott government while he was leader in exile, waiting to implant his mercury in the ear of the onion-muncher's leadership ...

Hmmm, what could they have been about, those dog whistles?


But enough of Rowe fun - more Rowe here - because another of the pundits, the dog botherer himself, is also out and about this Saturday, and what a fine parade of hounds it makes ...



Yes, the dog botherer is in full coaching mode - the dog botherer refuses to let Malware be - and the sadly, the pond has absolutely no explanation for google deciding to drop that image alongside the story ... oh the perfidy of the logarithm ...


Yes, it's always startling to see the dog botherer staring out, with the look of a stunned mullet, but let's get on to the core beliefs and the core values ...

First, it seems, we must dismiss everything Malware purported to believe in, these being irrelevant to the electorate's dreams and desires ...

   

At the end of it all, the pond didn't have a clue what the dog botherer was jibber jabbering about.

Malware should boast of his ability to set up tax avoidance strategies in the Cayman Islands and people would flock to imitate him and that would help out the dire revenue situation?

Or he should promote his Godwin Grech capacity for competence?

Competence! Yes indeed the pond just knew those multi noodle cabinets would come in handy for something ...


Now there's competence. New spaces for urban art.

And please, there's no need to worry about other proposed reasons for the incompetence ...


The brightest minds in the nation are on the job, ferreting out the innumerate and the illeterate who somehow made it into the pit ...


By golly, thank the long absent lord there's just enough time for another Rowe cartoon, bless his invisible emperor clothing socks ...





Friday, May 27, 2016

Day 67 of MUC and day 20 of MOC, and the bromancer explains the truly complicated, Barners having stepped out to have his tongue tied ...


The pond had such a splendid response, in the comments section, to the bromancer's last outing, that naturally the pond went back to the well as soon as the opportunity presented itself ...

After all, the pond had the chance to listen to the bromancer attempt a defence of the indefensible, namely good old Barners, on The Drum last night ...


The pond only heard the proceedings from another room, but it seemed that the bromancer managed to pulverise the panel, and reduce the debate to the nonsensical with his taste for drivel ...

Who knows, but those with an enormously strong stomach can revisit the onanistic one doing it in public, or at least on public television, here ...

Naturally the pond thought it might be safer to approach the beast in the more sedate medium of print ...


It looked promising, especially when the bromancer promised that it was complicated.

No doubt the bromancer would offer up a lengthy exegesis explaining everything ... in much the same way as he'd explained that the Vietnam war was a splendid guide to the way to formulate foreign affairs ...

Bummer dude, it was more like a quick piss on the carpet of the kind that so upset the Dude ...


Say what? Meryl Streep and it's complicated ...? Nine short pars and that's it, that's all, he wrote?

And as for the notion that it was all about food security, why in subsequent times, did the Indonesian government feel comfortable with the Graudian running the story Indonesia's 80% cut in cattle imports takes Australian industry by surprise?

Could someone explain how the Indonesian government could directly threaten the food security of a big portion of Indonesia's people in such a blatant way?

It's complicated alright, but how silly of the pond to expect a fuckwit like the bromancer would have the first clue as to the complications ...

Never mind, it reflects a trend at the lizard Oz, this piece ...

Of late the reptiles have been tossing off shorter and shorter pieces, flung in to shore up the numbers on the opinion pages and offer a kind of click bait for those who love to sample delicacies such as the oysterish bromancer ...

Oh well, you win some, and you lose some, and Barners will have to wait for some other white knight to bail him out ...

Meanwhile, those with a hunger for more will find some rich comedy in Climate policy report hailed by Greg Hunt written by former Liberal candidate (with forced video in the Fairfax style).

The pond was especially delighted by the way the walri man pleaded ignorance as a defence ...

A spokesman for the minister said Mr Hunt "was not aware of any political affiliations". 
"No information was provided to either the department or the minister by the office on the political affiliations of the department's recommended panellist or any other panellist, nor would such a course of action have been appropriate." 

And speaking of reports, lo and behold, what hovered in to view than a plethora of reports of the cleansing of a report, at the Graudian with Australia scrubbed from UN climate change report, and at the ABC with Australia references stripped from UN climate change report and at Fairfax with Australia cut from UN report ...

Scrubbed, stripped, cut ... let's not worry about the wording, let's stand by for dark muttering of "Orwellian" from the reptiles of Oz ...

Still waiting ...

Well as we're into movie references, thanks to the bromancer and the dingo stealing Barner's baby, this one springs to mind ...


And as we're on a movie roll this day, and as this interminable election campaign rolls on into Sunday - so the Productivity Commission can spring into action without benefit of penalty rates - even Rowe seemed to be reduced to black hole despair and movie references ...



More Rowe here, but the pond has to draw the line at Event Horizon, surely one of the worst clunkers to feature working actor Sam Neill ...





Shouldn't Malware have had second thoughts about calling his ship, designed to sail smoothly through space to the next election, the "Barners Event Horizon"?

Strangely it reminded the pond of a comical review in The New Yorker by Anthony Lane of the latest comic book dross, Captain America: Civil War, with Lane noting that Thomas Hobbes had said as much as needed to be said about the exercise some 366 years before ...


Poor Hobbes. Little did he understand that the possibility of nature would include the Bromancer, Barners, and Donald Trump and onion munchers and smooth eastern suburbs types who would choke on the notion of speaking truth to power, or even calling the barking mad, genuinely, truly barking mad. (Does Bill Shorten read the pond? Is there some shared synchronicity in a taste for the barking mad?)

Not even half way through assorted election campaigns, and already the "possibility of nature" is rent and torn, much as the planet is, and who knows what horrors wait ahead, in plain sight of the walri man...



Day 67 of MUC and day 20 of MOC, and Kevin Donnelly is shaken and stirred ...

Admirable, completely, totally and utterly admirable ...


You see how it's done, the coming and going gotcha. 

Urge fiscal restraint, and then when the reluctant mug does a flip, and tries to deliver a dash of fiscal restraint, berate him for a lack of fairness ...

Admirable, completely, totally and utterly admirable ...

And just when did he stop beating his wife?

Hmm, that reminds the pond, must call up the Productivity Commission on the lack of significance of a Sunday in terms of a working life. 

No doubt they'll all be up at 6 am this Sunday, crack of dawn, and forsaking the church service like the eager beavers they are, they'll be heading into the office, with nary a mention of penalty rates ...

But while all this is good and just and so, the pond always hungers for the exceptional, and what luck that the Terrorists are so reliable and routinely deliver the goods ... especially on a Friday when lazy bludgers are already daydreaming and thinking about the weekend - unlike the Productivity Commission, because the weekend is when they really get cracking ...

Meanwhile, come on down Terrorists ...


Now the average gourmet, the ordinary connoisseur, might turn to Simon Benson, aged puppet of Tony Abbott's office, and even confuse Benson's use of "loony" with the pond's patent pending brand.

But this is just more of the coming and going gotcha, because the patently unfair man is in the hands of lefty loons ...  unlike the splendid Kevin Donnelly who looms up beside Benson like a beached whale ...

Yes, the whale is the sure sign that the pond is in the right turf for the real loonies ...


By golly, that illustration is good, though the pond is aware some will be wondering where the cane went. 

Isn't there usually a cripple joke that forms a part of the sensitive, caring package?

And let's not worry about that perverted wiki list of mammals displaying homosexual behavior.

Damn you, perverted kinky whales, you're undermining western civilisation.

Never mind, on we go with the Donnelly ...


Now this is all such splendid stuff that the pond has only one complaint. 

There's no photo acknowledgement of the author ...


How reassuring to realise that the author might be shaken, might even be stirred, but is a two olive man ... pip pip ...

Could he be trying out for a spot as the next Bond? After all, that's the peak of western civilisation ...

Now on we go to spot the whale in situ, in its proper place in the unfolding sun ...


Be made to recant for that splendid witticism about gay whales? Oh say it ain't so, let's crack a joke or two about lepers and club feet ... just to elevate the sensitivity stakes a little higher ...

Now around this point, it will become obvious that the pond has nothing to say about the other startling charges in Kev's shopping list of whinges. 

For example, it hadn't occurred to the pond in years of diving with whales that Donald Trump was motivated by Gramsci, Althusser and Bourdieu, but there you go, you learn something new every day, and so it was with the unholy lust to learn more that the pond dived deep into the Donnelly, and didn't expect to return to the surface ... the pond understands the technical cetacean term is breaching or lunging ...


Indeed, indeed, and how remarkable to see a paranoid deep into a persecution complex complaining that victimhood is all the go ...

Talk about a dire wailing and sackcloth and ashes and victimhood for the long suffering Catholic church, up there with the crucifixion itself ...

So where does all this lead to, this moaning and whining?

Well some might say ...



But we do things differently down under and much prefer a bull in a china shop, as so vividly conjured up by the papists - and it has to be said that David Pope is a more reliable papist than Kevin Donnelly, so you will find more Pope here (though yet again he fails to appear in Chrome, thanks to the Canberra Times. Sheesh, you try to give them a few hits and this is the result?)



Thursday, May 26, 2016

Dday 66 of MUC and day 19 of MOC, and happy days, the bromancer does his B A Santamaria impression ...

(Above: and more excellent Pope here).

Believe it or not, for a site that spends so much time in the sewer, otherwise known as News Corp, the pond has certain standards.

Better to leave jokes about sputtering robots to master professionals like the papists; better to leave David Feeney to David Feeney, or at least the Daily Terrorists ...



And better to leave Barners to the gob-smacked standard denials, as the lad does his very, very best to continue to maintain and improve relationships with Indonesia ...


They would say that, wouldn't they, but when it comes to fear-mongering and a decent scare campaign, Barners knows the truth. 

Why the pond has long suspected that the Indonesians promoted a rise in boat arrivals to ensure the election of Tony Abbott! That's how clever these wretched, perverted deviants are ...

But the pond can only go so far. This day the Daily Terrorists also featured their new tandem team ...


The Bolter having another go at the blacks? The bigoted racist on the march again ...

The pond tried everything - peg on nose, a good dose of rental car parfume - but it couldn't go there ...

But that mention of Vietnam intrigued, and luckily there, galloping out of the DLP far right came the pond's manly rescuer, the bromancer, with many wondrous insights into those unhappy war years ...


The pond is always up for a history lesson from the bromancer. 

After all, anyone who sucked at the teat of B. A. Santamaria is sure to be able to explain what a wonderful and successful time was had by all in the Vietnam war ...


Oh indeed, indeed. 

The coherent position, no doubt, was to send off young Australian conscripts to get killed in an exercise in profound futility ...


And there you have it, as wondrous a furphy as any. If Communism controlling Vietnam was an existential threat to Australia, how are we now dealing with the Communist government still in Vietnam? Only now it's the entire country ... 

And why is President Obama flying there for a chinwag ...

And the monstrous stupidity of the Vietnam war is always a vote winner for the coalition? Go tell that to Gough Whitlam comrade ...

Of course it's just a more subtle extension of a long running guerrilla war, one worthy of the tunnels of 'Nam ... per this back on 25th April 2016 in the AFR:


Evelyn Waugh couldn't make this bloke up? 

Sorry, if you can't find at least a smidgin of the bromancer in Scoop, you're not trying ...

Which brings us to Catherine McGregor. Now the pond has no argument with the soldiers that fought, and sometimes died in Vietnam, at the behest of the federal government. They didn't set the policy or the fight, the Federal government did, and the alternatives - going under cover or going to prison - were dire and required a passion many didn't feel. Some even felt they might be able to do some good, though the ones that returned that the pond has talked to didn't feel the same way after it was all done and dusted ...

But right at the end, after a tribute to the first conscript killed in Vietnam, McGregor offered a half-assed, pathetic attempt to justify the unjustifiable ...


Especially Thailand and Laos? 

Well there's a strategic hop. Not a mention of Cambodia, or Pol Pot or the killing fields ...

Would it have been different if Nixon hadn't ordered ground fighting in Cambodia by some 70,000 US and South Vietnamese troops, and the dropping of some 500,000 tons of bombs on the country, more than three times the amount dropped on Japan during World War II?

Who knows, all that can be said is that Cambodia was fucked, while at the same time, much of Vietnam was ruined by chemicals and carnage ...

And that blithering twit McGregor has the audacity to talk about how it all worked out tremendously well for Australia ... while the Communists still control Vietnam.

Of course McGregor is too young to have much of a clue - according to the wiki she was ten in 1966 but it needn't have been that way. 

The Hendersons of the time - stoically avoiding the notion of army service - and the BA Santamarias and his rabid supporters of the Tony Abbott and Greg Sheridan kind (what did they do in the war daddy?) joined in a disaster, in much the same way as Australia rushed off to be deputy sheriff to GWB in the Iraq war ... with all that followed from that enormous disaster.

Now the pond isn't about to send the white feather to the lot of them - after all, they were also young and stupid and infested by Catholicism - but the notion that Australia snatched victory from defeat, Gallipoli-style, is the most insidious canard of all ...

Please, please, peddle the usual fear-mongering, but stop peddling the sublime guff that every commitment of the Australian army made by Australian politicians has been critical to Australia's security and prosperity ... and worked out tremendously well.

There's swilling on the soda pop, and then there's just straight grade A kool aid ...

Time then for a cartoon that refreshes, and wouldn't you know it, Barners hits the Rowe jackpot, and more Rowe here ...



Dammit, that reminds the pond of an old movie, and tell me this street doesn't look like Tamworth ...why we even had a pick-up like that in the extended family.