Friday, February 12, 2016

Here no evidence of wrongdoing, no wrongdoing here, just dead dogs, parrots and rams ...


That popped up just after eleven today ...

Maestro, ticking clock please ...


Thank you maestro, now please, off to Canberra with the reptiles and the Fairfaxians ...

Back to the original story ...


No, no, Albo, it's not the parrot that's dead ...

It's Barners at his finest, and he hasn't got a master now, someone to tell him to get around behind ...


And it's only just beginning ...


Naturally the pond contacted Barners for a response ...


And here's a grace note from the Terrorists on another matter ...


And an honourable mention to a certain MP ...


And so it's good night from the pond, Irene, Andrew and Barners ... 

Will it ever be possible to take a break now that the loons bestride the Australian political scene like the walking dead parrots famously featured in many a zombie movie starring Johnny Depp?

In which the pond can't take a break because of the climate for most unique opportunities for Barners cartoons ...

(Above: and more Rowe in a china shop here).

The pope was supposed to be on a break, and then last night on The World, the host of the show - yes you Beverley O'Connor, the pond is looking right at you - advised the pond to keep watching because coming up would be a story about the way the zebra was one of the world's 'most unique' animals.

Now the pond can come at many things, even Barners being deputy PM, even though that brings great disgrace to Tamworth and casts it far into the darkness, away from the great centre of the universe it once was. After all, Barners offers the chance of infinite comedy ...

(And more Mickey Mouse Popery here).

Yes, the Davids are in top form, but the pond was content to hold its tongue. Talk of gravitational waves floated through the body like a Barners' interview voided the brain.

Even the complete disconnection between the Fairfaxians and the reptiles had no impact ... Compare and contrast reptile EXCLUSIVE with Fairfaxian report:



And fish is fowl and fowl is fish ... and so on ...

But the pond was prepared to ignore all this ... until the ABC's The World - yes we're looking directly at you Beverley O'Connor - yabbered on about most unique things, and the pond's unslakable thirst for loonery demanded to be quenched, however briefly ...

It also helped that the pond had been waiting, with baited, or bated, take it how you will, breath, for the first bout of triumphalism to emerge amongst the denialists.

The pond was certain the reptiles couldn't contain themselves for long.

That doofus supreme, the fuckwit in charge of the CSIRO, had set the tone by using one of the favourite phrases of the denialists and bringing religion into the mix.

Oh sure, the fuckwit had repented and gone all abject and turned up in reports such as the ABC's CSIRO boss Larry Marshall sorry for saying politics of climate 'more like religion than science.'

And sure, the fuckwit had gone into print previously to claim that the science had been proved and that there was no more argument and that it was simply a change of tone and emphasis:

"We're not saying that modelling and measurement are not important. We're saying that modelling and measuring isn't more important than mitigation and we've chosen to shift our emphasis to mitigation," he said.

But the pond knew better. The pond knew that the reptiles couldn't resist a little triumphalism, as a way of demonstrating just what tone deaf fuckwits some scientists can be ...


Yes, despite all Larry Marshall's claims, Michael Asten knew what it was really all about ... carbon dioxide's got nothing to do with it ...


Naturally this sort of stuff makes it even more poignant to read 'Maybe I'm naive': CSIRO's Larry Marshall tries again to explain deep staff cuts.

Is naive another word for fuckwit Larry?

Possibly. In this age of most unique animals, anything is possible ...

That tape, Larry, it sounds like an epic bout of pivoting Silicon Valley fuckwittery of the Hooli kind ...

Hannah Scott: So Larry, if we can upskill our people and get new skills in the organisation, where do you see the organisation heading? What's the ultimate vision here? [Image shows Dr Marshall gesticulating with his hands as he speaks.] 
Larry Marshall: Well, maybe I'm naive [chuckles], but I actually think we can grow. I think we can increase the impact of the organisation. I think we can increase the funding and the revenue of the organisation, but we need to be delivering the impact that our nation expects. Again, this is not a judgment call on the quality of our climate science - it's awesome! - but we've been doing that for 20 years. It's time to take action; our nation needs us to do something about environmental change. In fact, the National Science and Research Priorities say specifically, one of our key strategic goals is to respond to environmental change, not just climate change, but all impacts on the environment, and not just measurement and modelling, but response, ie mitigation - take action. That's the major shift that we're doing. I think we can do it, and I think we'll be a stronger organisation as a result. That's not to say that we won't go through pain, I wish we didn't have to go through this, but I can promise you that we will be as open and transparent as we possibly can. Please, be patient with us; this is still a work in progress as we figure out the numbers, but you will be the first to know as we know.

Ultimate vision? Chuckles ... It's awesome?!

No it's not Larry. It's had absolutely nil, zero, zilch impact on the reptiles ...

Prof Asten, please carry on, we have to explain to Larry yet again why the CSIRO has got it wrong, and is totally, awesomely naive ... in the way many other deluded souls who believe in the religion of climate science are most uniquely wrong ...


There you go Larry. They love you, they know you're in their camp, you've joined them and they're ever so pleased.

And happily, Michael Asten is on hand to explain that it isn't a United Nations conspiracy to introduce a world government, as the pond, Dame Slap and Lord Monckton had feared, but instead is a conspiracy fed by the Russian and nameless Asian governments ...



Oh those fiendish, devious orientals, always good for a laugh ... feed them some opium and let's hope they all go away.

Hannah Scott: 
Thanks Larry. Really appreciate your honest insights


No, no, Hannah. This should have been the line if you want a gig at the ABC:

Thanks Larry. Really appreciate your truly unique and most uniquely honest insights ...

Oh and Larry, the pond really does enjoy your stumblebum naivety, it promises as many laughs as Barners ...

And isn't it grand you're both serving the cause of climate denialism?

And so the memes ran free and wild, with a shot the pond first mistook for an old family snap of Uncle Cecil in Peel street ...






Thursday, February 11, 2016

The pond must do a double take rather than take a break, thanks be unto the Terrorists ...


The pond was going to take a break, and then the Daily Terrorists served up this front page.

Any time someone manages to work 'baffling' and 'Catholic' into a front page splash, the pond has to step back, and offer admiration and awe.

So a belief in talking snakes isn't baffling?

So an acceptance of walking on water, and water into wine, and sourdough loaves just right for Paul Sheehan, and virgin births, and multiplication of fishes, and saints and statues in abundance isn't baffling?

Forget about limbo, the Catholics did, and go searching through the bible for purgatory and let the pond know the result of your research. No, Maccabees isn't allowed. Just get baffled with the bull ...

Then there's the mystical nonsense of three in one, with the Holy Ghost allowed to go around spreading his seed like a randy old camel-herding goat or spirit.

And then there's the angels you couldn't fit on a pin head.

But the capper for the pond, always, is transubstantiation.

So eating the actual blood of Christ and swallowing the actual flesh of Christ, in whatever order and style you like, but in a determinedly cannibalistic way, isn't baffling?

What's baffling is that the Terrorists saw the need to put "Catholic" on the front page of its rag, as if Catholic was the exemplar of normalcy, as opposed to the exemplar of gay bashing, the Inquisition, the Index Librorum Prohibitorum, the crusades, the denial of women's rights, warped sexuality and denial, the Holy Roman Empire, and the cultivation and protection of perverts fiddling with children ... 

Let's not even get back into the cilice and its blood-drawing powers just yet ... let's save that for whipping and thorns day ...

We know where this fundamentalism leads - to the rantings of the likes of Miranda the Devine ...

That's enough to radicalise anyone. The pond has been radicalised for twenty lifetimes thanks to the Terrorists.

Would it have been possible for them to have constructed a better headline? 

How about?

The baffling conversion of a schoolgirl switching from one brand of snake oil to another...

But then what's so baffling about it? 

Barking mad fundamentalism of one kind is a precursor to baffling mad fundamentalists of another kind ... which is why the best fascists make the best communists, and vice versa ... and the likes of Chrisopher Pearson and Akker Dakker danced to one tune, then another ... and the deluded fundamentalists who flock to one god on one day are just as likely to flock to another brand of the same god, or a different god altogether on the next day ...

Meanwhile, we're all supposed to swoon at a bunch of barking mad folk getting together and electing a man as best minister of the world in a way that could only be described as baffling ...


Ah well, never mind, at least that leads the pond to one papist it is happy to follow, and there's more David Pope here where you can find a link to his new website ...


And tish to you baffling walri of the southern icelands ...

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The pond takes a break knowing the United States is in safe hands ...

Sing it soft ...


Sing it cartoon ...


Sing the question loud ...


Sing the answer proud ...


The pond is taking a break and will return as circumstances allow ...

(And more Rowe here).



Some more essence of Devine ...


It's on with an agile, innovative meme led recovery here at the pond.

And by golly that was a good one. In its drinking days, the pond loved a good Penfolds red ...

These days only the best memes are sampled at the pond

Meanwhile, the pond would like to report on its campaign for the Daily Terrorists to can their blogs.

The pond is only here to help their business model, and the sad truth is that letting the poison of the Devine and Akker Dakker silently fester in their blogs, free of the paywall, is simply no good for anyone.

The vile poison should be billable. You can't just hand out poison willy nilly and for free.

Now as anyone paying an ounce of attention will be aware, the Devine - along with the rest of the Terrorists - has been conducting a vigorous war against David Morrison. This has reached the levels of an hysterical vendetta, and the Devine's blog has been littered with all sorts of charges ...




No doubt there will be some who will want to click on them to read them, but it's a never no mind to the pond - some like to dunk their toe in a sewer to see what it feels like too - the point being that it's all about process.

You see, today the Devine popped up with yet another blast for her crusade ...


And this was dutifully locked away behind the paywall ...


But at time of writing, it hadn't appeared on the blog!

The pond felt a surge of pleasure, because at the time the noonday sun passed the time of 12, the latest bit of crusading venom was stuck behind the paywall... 

While in the Devine's blog, the comments section for the last few days remained at "0", presumably because the Devine doesn't like to read her feedback and the Terrorists are slow to provide a moderator ...

Now the piece itself is just more of the same, though sounding ever more hysterical, if that's possible and imaginable ...


No doubt it's helping Bundaberg shift a lot of Bundie ... and Dr Seuss too ...

Now there's a lot more, but the real point's the way the "must read" splashes below show what it's like to be on the wrong end of the Devine and the Terrorists ...


And at that point, the pond tuned out. The pond is sorry, but really, what's the point in reading on?

Because it does indeed, go on and on and on and on and on ...

Conclusion?

Sorry Morrison, you've been Devined, and as sure as the Terror turns up tomorrow, you'll be Devined again and again and again ...

But the good news is that the pond sees yet another sign that the Devine will be hidden behind a paywall and that the days of blogging at News Corp are coming to an end. These neglected flowers are wilting, so that people may be invited to pay for their daily dose of hate crusading.

Small, cold comfort, but why not splash on a little perfume to celebrate? The pond has the perfect fragrance...

Here no advocacy, no advocacy here ...


What a fine snap SBS chose for its story, found here. Oh the Fairfaxian mockers might mock here, with forced video ...

Imagine (Hunt's) return to the Cabinet room. Striving for a suitably appropriate air of modesty, he arrives just as Christopher Pyne is regaling the colleagues with an old joke about John Lennon being asked whether Ringo is the best drummer in the world. "He's not even the best drummer in The Beatles," screams Christopher in a marvellous attempt at a Liverpool accent. 

How unkind, but shock, horror, consternation, even the reptiles were inclined to mention the Antarctic walri ...


The pond is distraught that Hunt wasn't honoured for his unwavering support of Adani's Carmichael coal mine ... talk about fine work for the environment and water issues.

There have been other comedy highlights this week.

Even fleeting readers of the pond will know in what high esteem it holds Grace Collier ... though sadly the pond routinely ignores the feast of their Gracie which is on offer ...


Sheesh, what a terrifying Andy Warholian can of soups sight. Suddenly the pond wished it was off romping with the walri ...

Anyhoo, their Gracie tweeted this little tweet which brought out Mamamia. Oh mumma mia, not momma mia ...


Soon enough there were many twitters ...


And before you know it, it had become a meme ...


Ah Gracie, Gracie, you got it right first go.

Pond memo to self: twittering about dishonest boring morally smug TV shows is likely to rebound on dishonest, boring, morally smug, delusional, hypocritical reptiles with short and long term memory loss. Never twitter ... especially after enjoying the taxpayer-funded green room facilities ...

But enough of the frivolities, because the ponds' first duty must be to the alarums of the day. And what fine alarums can be found.

Naturally the reptiles are front and centre ...


Good long absent lord, it's the hideous gay conspiracy pushing the shocking gay agenda on an unsuspecting nation. Won't someone think of the children? Next thing you know someone will be trying to tell the pond that gays are people too ...

And there was the Devine yabbering away yet again ...


Once the slavering reptiles get a bone between their teeth, let no one attempt to prise it away.

No doubt Morrison has also failed to mention the desperate plight of the rapidly disappearing Antarctic walri, and the pond looks forward to a Devine assault on this negligence ...

But as always, the real problem on this earth, and possibly in the next life too, is the ABC. It is simply impossible and outrageous, no matter what their Gracie might have tweeted once she was given access to the lavish taxpayer-funded green room ...



It seems that advocacy is very high on the reptile list of crimes ...


It goes without saying that nowhere in the reptiles might one find an advocate.

No advocacy here, here no advocacy, as Eric's Chopper might have said ...

The reptiles are always astonishingly neutral in tone, and what better example of this stunning neutrality might there be than Dame Slap?


Ah but it wasn't just the ABC ... it will be recalled that Dame Slap, in company with Lord Monckton, has previously exposed the UN's devious plan to use climate science as a way of introducing world government, and she was on the case again ...


And in the actual piece, Dame Slap was in fine form, starting off by celebrating Phil's new status ...


Dammit Gracie, how did that cartoon get in here?

Pope's due at the bottom of the page, we'll have no more papal interference with the pontificating Dame Slap ...


Now the pond is in too much of a rush to get to the promised Pope to spend any time on editorial comment, though it is sublime to see Dame Slap citing the Graudian as a reliable authority, though she didn't provide a link to the wonderfully hypocritical piece - up there with their Gracie - as can be found here.

The pond takes the view that the matter has become something like Dickens' account of Chancery in Bleak House ... and the Graudian has been right on the case, what with Marina Hyde here, and Joshua Rozenberg here all piling on ...

Such is the indignation that you'd almost forget that the Graudian was at one time a partner in crime with Assange ...

The pond don't know who let Peter Preston off the chain, but by way of contrast, his carry on smelt of shocking contrary-ism ...

I’ve never met Julian Assange; and those Guardian friends who have say I’ve had a lucky escape. He’s clearly a bit of pain to deal with. (Season with whatever further frailties you wish.) But the deluge of adjectives and animosity dumped at the embassy’s door after last week’s UN arbitrary detention decision seems over-ripe, going on rank. Of course you can roll Swedish allegations and deportation decisions together in best “rule of law” fashion: but the UN working group took all that into account.

Enough of that sir, before you disgrace your paper and yourself ...

Now let us return to the harmonious Dame Slap, working hand in glove with the Graudian - and lordy lordy, the New Statesman! - to expose any talk of martyrdom ...


Indeed, indeed. There's no doubt that the UN is responsible for everything wrong in the world, except when it's the UN and the ABC combined - oh how their green room leads people astray - so it was at this point that the pond felt the urgent need to reprint Dame Slap's previous dire warning about the UN and its fiendish plotting, as uncovered by the lord, which was deemed so valuable, so insightful, so true, it was picked up by the WSJ ...


Indeed, indeed, and there's more, which can easily be found by googling around sundry paywalls, and let there be no doubt that this new world government is highly likely to encourage Julian Assange to reveal more secrets about nation state governments, so that the roll out of the new world government might proceed more smoothly ... and all this talk of human rights will be revealed as a cover for activities and behaviour that will make Daesh seem like kindergarten, Philip Ruddock style exponents of enhanced interrogation ...

Or some such thing. 

To tell the truth, the pond by this point was just hanging out for that promised Pope, and though it has nothing to do with anything above, except perhaps tangentially, in the way that advocacy is a curse of the ages, it might see some head off to the papist's gallery here for more.


Ah, they were using the agile, innovative intertubes to communicate. That helps explain things ...